4-24-2007 through 4-28-2007

Sorry about the video not working on the previous post. I think the issue has been resolved. Thanks mom for the heads up.

The theme for the week was really busy days in between low-key days. This allowed me to gather enough energy to have a good time on the really fun days and then recover on the off days. The day after my birthday, Tuesday, was rather uneventful as I spent most of the day playing around with the computer and then Eva and I just watched a movie at night. As a friend of the family put it, “Uneventful is good.” Especially, when you are well into your cancer journey. That seems like an acceptable rationalization for just sitting around. Besides, I knew I was going to have a busy day on Wednesday, and it was good for me to rest up.



On Wednesday, my parents came up and we went to Universal Studios. We had gotten some free passes as part of a Kings hockey package and we always feel really good when we actually use the free passes or coupons that we have. It was an average southern California spring day- mid seventies, not a cloud in the sky, though a bit hazy. All in all, a rough time to be out and about. There were a fair number of people at the theme park but really, it was practically empty and we basically walked on and into all the rides and shows we wanted to hit. I cannot imagine the scene on a weekend in the middle of summer. Sounds like someone’s twisted version of hell. I was very impressed with my parents as they were really into all the rides and attractions. My mom just giggled the whole time we were moving on The Mummy. The pic is of us on Jurrasic Park.



My dad would not let us pass up the Hollywood House of Horrors (a maze akin to those at Knott’s Scary Farm) and was just so into it as we were walking through. I, personally, could have gone without being scared or jumped at but this was what he wanted to do. We ended up walking through the maze really slowly as well, as he wanted to check out everything there was to see. The cast members did a good job and definitely got my dad, as well as my mom and me, a number of times. I think I saw him get a few inches off the ground when he jumped a couple of times. This was my mom’s first time through a maze like that and she was just so brave. She is really stepping up to all sorts of new experiences these days and I couldn’t be happier for her. A big part of dealing with what is going on with me is finding the good that has come from it, and I think that it has had a positive impact on a number of us. It would have been nicer to, perhaps, have had the positive impact without the intensity of the current situation but, then again, maybe the lessons just would not have stuck as well.

If you look closely here, you can see my mom holding Kevin Bacon's hand. Isn't that adorable!



It was a pretty full day and we hit all the rides and almost all the shows. By the end, we were all pretty tired. One little souvenir I picked up for myself, was a deck of cards with a different celebrity’s mug shot on each card. Everyone from Kobe, to Frank Sinatra, to Michael Jackson. Pretty entertaining. In the evening, we had a nice little dinner at Jerry’s Deli and we called it a day.

Thursday and Friday were pretty low-key days as I just hung around the house and took care of little things that needed attention. I sort of cleaned up a bit and ended up meeting Eva for lunch at the Cedar’s cafeteria both days. In the evening on Thursday, we had wanted to play a little tennis, but the courts were all taken and there was a bit of a group waiting to play. We audibled and decided to go on a little run from the park. Poor Eva, she has to go so slow when we run together. Every block, I find myself just hoping for the light to change so that we might have to wait and I get a little break to catch my breath. After about 15 minutes I felt that was a good halfway point for me but Eva wanted to go a bit further. I just walked while she ran and then on the way back we met up again. I find myself very much a part of this generation with our inherent need to be plugged in. When I had just began walking, I had wished that I had brought along my mp3 player so I could listen to an audio book or podcast while I was walking (I know, my old running buddies should be shaking their heads and be embarrassed for me). I thought about it a minute and realized, that no, I did not need my mp3 player and that I should just enjoy my walk and this opportunity to think a bit. It is so rare these days that we just stop a minute and spend some time with our thoughts. It was such a beautiful evening and just very pleasant walking and thinking. I would like to say that I had some incredible revelations on my walk, but mostly it was just sorting things out in my mind. Anyways, Eva and I met up and we jogged back to the park and called it a night.

On Friday evening, we ended up being able to get onto the tennis courts and had a good time hitting the ball around. My game is improving a bit, though I am rather inconsistent. One shot will be a hard low ball right at Eva and the next shot will be a moon ball to the corner. Luckily, I have not hit any over the fence since we have started playing again. I keep telling Eva that I am trying to get every ball right to her but she just does not buy it after running side-to-side and front to back over and over again.

We continued the athletic endeavors with the usual run/ride to the fountain on Santa Monica Blvd on Saturday morning. I have been taking my handheld gps along with us and it has been a fun little toy. I can give Eva her exact speed, compass heading, and elevation at a moments notice. For some reason, she never seems as excited to hear those numbers as I am to tell her. It is probably a boy with his toys thing. After we got cleaned up, we were good Americans and did a little consuming. How do you know you have settled into married couple mode? When you spend your Saturday afternoon at Target. We even split up in the store to make sure we hit all the departments we needed to hit before we had to be on our way. Actually, we got a number of things that we needed to make our humble abode, a little bit less humble.

Saturday evening, Joe and Debbie Carlson came up to our apartment with my parents. It was really wonderful to see them and catch up a bit with them over dinner. Both Joe and Debbie are such warm, kind, and funny people and very enjoyable to spend an evening with. Joe gave us the highlights of how some of the Poly boys did at the Penn Relays (basically the biggest track and field event in the nation for high school and collegiate athletes). They posted some amazing times including 3:09 for the 4x400m. That is averaging 47+ seconds for each runner, incredible. It brought back memories of when I ran at the Penn relays which was a truly remarkable experience. My time was actually only a few seconds slower, though I only ran three laps instead of four, but I did do it all myself. After dinner, we went to the Arclight to see Hot Fuzz in the Cinerama dome. I had seen the previews and knew that it was going to be something of a spoof of action movies, but I still was not prepared for a few of the bloodier scenes. I have to admit, I did laugh pretty hard at senior citizens operating automatic weapons and when a little old lady was jump kicked to the face. All in all, it was an enjoyable little spectacle.


Thanks again to everyone who called or emailed my for my birthday. You all made me feel really special. I loved the card Betty and Zel. Be careful, you are only putting ideas into my head to make my way up there.

Take Care and Live Strong,
TN

4-23-2007 My Birthday

April 23rd was my birthday and what a birthday it was. Frankly, I was just stoked to still be around for it. I still am very hopeful for the future but after diagnosis the question of whether or not I would make it to my next birthday was a tough one to answer. Hopefully there will be many more ahead of me.

Eva was adorable and full of energy when we got up. I had chocolate chip pancakes for breakfast and added the rest of the boysenberries for good measure. To keep in the theme for this year, I had an infusion in the morning. There really was no other place I could imagine going on my birthday and it just sort of worked out that way. It was an easy infusion as I only got Mitomycin C, which only takes about 30 minutes. I still get tripped out every time I receive that particular chemo. It seriously looks like purple Gatorade. We brought a cake to the office and the office staff was really warm and excited that it was my birthday. Dr. Isacoff gave me a hug. Sony played with Eva and me but was a little smelly so we kept the handling to a minimum. Candice did the usual review of systems and everything is just going along as usual, or at least going along our new definition of usual. My mother met Eva and me at UCLA and joined us during the infusion. Unfortunately, my father had to work, but we got to spend the weekend together and he is also off this Wednesday. I am sure we will find something to do.



After the infusion, Eva had to drop some samples off at a lab at UCLA for work and then we all went to Holmby for a round of golf. I was glad to have my mother along as it took a bit of the competitive edge off of the Eva vs. Tyler sports rivalry and she certainly added some hilarity to the game. Both Eva and my mother played really well and managed to each post a few pars. I was very impressed. Granted, a number of their shots just rolled up to the green, but they still got there and that is really all that matters. The “river” did present quite a challenge as a two foot wall (that serves as a waterfall when there is actually water in the river) nearly proved to be an impenetrable obstacle for my mother and Eva. It was wonderful playing with my two favorite women and when Eva pars a hole or hits a sweet shot, she does a little celebratory dance that is to die for. My mother describes golf as being similar to playing the slots. Hours of disappointment interspersed with moments of glory that are just
enticing enough to keep you going. I had a really good day as I actually birdied 3 holes and only shot 8 over par for the round. It should be said that there were a large number of mulligans and that the 8 over par is by no means an accurate representation of my golfing ability. I felt very good as a number of my tee-offs were actually rather pretty. That does look like a lot of backswing for a 40 yard hole, though.

As if golf was not fun enough, we added a little squirrel chasing in as well. I knew Eva was quick, but being able to nearly outmaneuver a squirrel puts her in a league of her own. Don’t worry, we only chased the squirrel for a few minutes and I am sure he was not too traumatized. Besides, those moments of terror keep the squirrel sharp and ready for action. At least that is what Eva says when she is harassing me.




After golf, Eva and I went back to the apartment and, though I was kicking around a number of ideas in my head, took a nap. It was really nice just relaxing and taking it easy and I am realizing more and more how much I value just spending time with the ones I love. I also enjoy packing the day and really enjoy packing the day by doing things with the ones I love, but
slowing down has become an equally enjoyable activity. We had stopped by Ralphs on the way home and decided to go big for my birthday. Food has also risen to be one of my favorite pastimes. I decided on the surf and turf theme and picked up some Ahi Tuna, Alaskan king crab legs, and a steak. We added some fruits and a small salad for a little color and Eva also partook of some sushi rolls. I had asked the guy if any of the fish was OK for sushi and he had said that the Ahi was of sushi quality and they had just got it in that day so I decided to live dangerously. It was really good and I have made it about 20 hours without any major intestinal problems so hopefully I am OK. The steak was tender and juicy and great coming off the grill. Crab is quite a healthy food as I am pretty sure there is a net loss of calories while you eat it, especially if you do not have any shell crackers. None the less, it was very tasty and worth the effort. After dinner, Eva and I watched Swingers, an old favorite, and called it a night. I spoke to a few friends and my father and it was just a really nice day. Thanks to everyone who helped to make me a really happy guy on my birthday. I really appreciate it.

This is rather embarassing, but I thought some of you might enjoy a short video of me struggling to eat some crab. I would probably last about 2 minutes if I ate this way in a restaurant. Hopefully you get some amusement out of it.

4-22-2007 Remembering Barbara Wright

On Sunday afternoon, Eva, my parents and I went to the Memorial for Barbara Wright. Fittingly, it was held at the fitness facility at Orange Coast College. As expected, the place was filled. She had so many friends and family and the lines between the two were often blurred or non-existent. For those of you who were not lucky enough to have known her, to me she was Mrs. Coach, the wife of my high school cross-country coach. Both Barbara and George had such a big impact on making me the person I am today. Both provided incredible models for the way that I would like to live my life. Their spirit, zest, energy, attitude, and love for life were unparalleled. Amy Fillipow, the current Mrs. Coach and an admirable woman in her own right, reminded me of something I had said on a training run in Mammoth one summer. I had expressed my desire to find and marry a girl like Mrs. Coach or Amy. One that shared their wonderful outlook on life, was physically fit enough to enjoy a variety of outdoor activities, and one that was personable and fun so that “getting there” was just as fun as “being there.” The whole package, if you will. Eva certainly fits the bill and has made as happy as I would have imagined a woman could make me when I had expressed those thoughts on that run.

The service was particularly tough on Eva and me. Barbara has a special place in my heart. Saying that it hit a little close to home would be a gross understatement. She had put up an incredible fight against lung cancer and had an incredibly optimistic spirit throughout her journey. We all would have liked to see the journey turn out differently, but we take comfort in knowing that she is reunited with her husband George now. They were so in love, I suppose they just could not bear to be apart from each other.

Barbara was such an incredible woman and was just always so warm and loving towards everyone she met. I remember, about a week after I was diagnosed, I gave her a call. That was one of the most meaningful conversations of my life. She gave me the strength, attitude, and outlook I needed to get through one of the toughest times of my life. I will always be grateful to her for her kind words that day. It is certainly true that our care givers live with cancer just as we do during these times but, I am sorry to say, that unless you actually have the cancer in your body, you will never totally know the experience of living with cancer. Words from one survivor to another are a sacred thing. In both of our efforts to come to grips with our disease, we each asked, “Why me?” Her response, in which I agree, was that it was just shitty luck. It was that simple. A particularly poignant comment at the service, was that health, fitness, and eating right do not guarantee longevity but merely enhance the quality of life during the time you are given. In that respect, Barbara and George lived incredibly full, rich, and wonderful lives and we should all aspire to live like them.

The rest of the weekend was filled with comparably insignificant events but I am sure were in accordance with Barbara’s desires for each of us to live life as best we can. I really enjoyed the rain on Friday and spent most of the day just reading and writing and looking out of the window. After Eva got off of work, we went for the usual run/ride down Santa Monica Blvd. The air was so fresh and the trees and greenery seemed to be bursting with color. We got In’N’Out on the way down to San Pedro, which we had not had in a while. This was the beginning of a wonderfully indulgent weekend.



On Saturday, Eva and I slept in and then had a nice breakfast with the family. Only one waffle these days, not 3 anymore. It is still exciting when you add boysenberries, whipped cream, and syrup. After breakfast, Eva and I went for a bike ride around the peninsula. It was a beautiful day. From the north side of the peninsula, you could see all the way up the coast to the Santa Monica Mountains. It was a great time with Eva and she is a good little rider. There may have been some discrepancies between the bikes, but I managed to work her a bit on the bike and regain some of the dignity I have lost on the runs over the last 6 months. After the ride, my mom and Eva went to Costco on a little shopping adventure and I hung out at home and recovered. Maybe I did not work her as much as I had thought. In the evening, my folks, Eva, and I went out to Neil’s for dinner. It was our first time there and it was a wonderful place. Great seafood.



On Sunday morning, I got up, got ready, and went fishing. First time going out by myself in a while. It was pretty nice on the water, a small swell, just enough to be rocky but the wind was fairly calm. It was a little gloomy going out but the sky opened up a few times while I was on the water. I always think of a choir of angels as the rays of sunlight break though the clouds. Unfortunately the glory of God did not really help me find the fish, but what are you going to do. At least it was really pretty out there and I always enjoy being on the water. Eva got out on a run along the cliffs, during which, she saw dolphins heading my way. She ran as fast as she could to try to beat the dolphins and caught up to me at Abalone cove. She was waiving and shouting but could not get my attention as I was pretty focused on fishing and trying to figure out what would entice the fish. She went to a payphone, called me, and finally got my attention. Apparently the dolphins had passed by only about 20 meters from my boat but I totally missed them. Oh-well. There will always be another day and another possibility for more dolphins. All in all, it was a tough day of fishing, barely any bites. I thought I was going to get skunked but I threw out a line at a few different spots on the way in and managed to pull up one Scuptin. It was probably about 10 inches and probably would have been tasty but I am more of a catch and release kind of guy. My streak remains intact - every time I have been fishing since diagnosis, I have caught at least 1 fish. We will see how long I can keep that up.

4-19-2007

What a few weeks. Sorry about neglecting the blog for the last little while but I have been pretty busy, as usual. Again, there are days that I want to write, there are days that I just do not feel like it, and there are days when I am just going from one activity to another and barely have the energy to fall into bed at night.

Health wise, things are going pretty well. I still feel basically normal and am able to do a lot of different activities. Occasionally, I am pretty tired and do not feel like myself, but overall, I still feel extremely fortunate to be doing as well as I am doing. I had another CT scan on the 12th. There is a lot of anxiety surrounding these scans as they are something like progress reports on your body. Good scans can bring hope and enthusiasm for the future and bad scans can just as easily take it away. What has been helpful is to realize that, regardless of the results, I felt good the day before the scan and that I felt basically the same the day after the scan. Preparing for the results is also hard. There are so many different possibilities that you really do not know what you should expect or what you should hope for. I am sure we are all hoping that the cyst and tumors would just disappear but that is setting yourself up for disappointment. Even lesser goals can be prove to be pretty disappointing (ie hoping that it has stayed stable and finding that it has grown 10%. Anyways, I had mixed feelings about my results. I was mostly ecstatic but then, of course, I would have liked a little more. 1) The cyst was basically unchanged since the scan on January 16th. 2) The mets in the liver were also unchanged and remain too small to measure. 3) Other areas of possible metastases were unchanged from the prior study and 4) There were no new sites of metastases. In summary, everything is basically the same as it was in January. Believe me when I say that I was extremely happy to hear that. It would have been nice to hear that the cyst had shrunk a bit, but stability is a wonderful thing. It is scary to think about what the results could have been, although, at this point, I wonder if it would be any scarier than that initial diagnosis. I don’t think I want to find out. From here we will just keep on plugging away with the chemo. If the next scans again show the cancer as being stable and I just have to stay on chemo indefinitely, I will take it. I have a wonderful quality of life and am pretty sure that I could get pretty close to normal, aside from the weekly trips to the doctor’s office. My parents, Eva, and I celebrated over a little picnic dinner before going to a play at the Taper on Tuesday night. I even shared some wine with my father. My one glass was quite exciting, I am quite the lush these days.



There have been a number of little adventures over the last few weeks. I have been to Catalina, been diving a few times, and enjoyed some wonderful time with my wife. Yesterday, I went on a bit of a horseback adventure with my parents. We rode out of the LA Equestrian Center in Burbank and into Griffith Park from the backside. I had never really been through that side of Griffith Park, except to visit the zoo, and it was really nice. It is so amazing to find places that are essentially within the urban sprawl that is LA and still give the feeling of isolation. It is a little striking sometimes when you listen, and do not hear cars or other sounds of the city. It was my mother’s first time really riding a horse (she had done the pony rides at Knott’s Berry Farm when she was a kid) and I was just glad to be there to witness it. It is not like my father and I are expert wranglers or anything, but we have each been on a horse a handful of times. Ask my father about his bareback experiences if you want a bit of a chuckle.



My mother did great. I was really proud of her. She had two goals for the day, which were 1) Stay on the horse 2) Have some fun. She succeeded in both of them though there were a few moments of terror as the horse accelerated to a trot a number of times. Ahhh, that look on my mother’s face was priceless. I also loved the flower hat she donned for the ride. One word, Fabulous. My father also got a bit excited at the prospect of having a legitimate reason to wear his cowboy hat and he certainly did look the part. Our guide for the day was Angel and he was just a really nice guy. He took us on a really nice ride and we all had a great time. Our ride went from the stables, into Griffith Park, and up to the top of Mt. Hollywood. This was the destination of the previous ride with my father, but we had gone from the south side of the Hollywood hills. It was a gorgeous day and you could see downtown LA, Burbank, Westwood, Palos Verdes, and even Catalina. Being on the top of Mt. Hollywood, looking out over LA, just really put a smile on my face and sort of calmed me. It was a good feeling and I am sure just as effective medicine as some of the stuff I am putting into my body. Just being on a horse also puts a smile on my face as it is still just fun and unique to me. I felt pretty comfortable on the horse and even enjoyed trotting a bit though it was a little trippy trotting up some decent little inclines. Our horses were very good to us though there were a few minor inter-horse issues on the ride. My dad’s horse, Austin, was pretty mellow but he did not really like anyone passing him. Actually none of the horses like being passed and if another was coming up, they would usually pick up the pace just enough to stay in front. There was also a fair amount of cutting each other off, too. This may have been a rider issue though. For some reason my horse, Hidalgo (who actually looked like Hidalgo, awesome), and my mom’s horse, Terence, would nip at each other a bit as they would go by. We tried to reason with them, help them resolve their differences, but they would not listen. It was as if they did not even understand the words coming out of our mouths. All in all, the horses were very well behaved and we all felt very fortunate that they treated us well.



After the horseback adventure we met up with Eva back at the apartment and then went out to 3rd stop (the pub around the corner). We lamented that Eva had to work over some tasty appetizers and juicy conversation. Eva seemed to enjoy hearing about the day’s events. Of course, when we relayed it to her, all three of us were in a full gallop up to the top of the mountain. I think I also did a backflip onto my horse. That was right after I roped a pig and shot a squirrel. It was quite a fun day.