Seattle Trip 3-2-07 through 3-11-07

On Friday (3-2-07) morning I got to talk to my wife on the phone before she went to work. I have grown so attached to hear and was definitely looking forward to seeing her Friday evening. But, before that, there were things that had to get done. I have been out of work so long that I now qualify for social security disability benefits. One of the ways to qualify for benefits is if you have a terminal illness. I hope that I will still qualify even if I do not plan on dying. If it ends up being an issue, and they start asking questions after a 4 or 5 years, I will certainly be happy to have to deal with that problem. I guess I will just pay them back or something. Ahh, the wonders of living off the government. By the way, I just want to extend my gratitude to all of you wonderful tax payers out there. You guys rock! I hope to join you someday and believe me I will have no qualms about my tax bill in the future. Let me tell you, it is well worth it.

After my social security interview, I was off to something of an above ground recreational treatment session (flying lesson). We did some pattern work and I got to practice my landings and then I got to solo for the first time in over a year. It is pretty trippy being in the plane by yourself but the plane flew quite a bit better minus my flight instructor (he is a big guy like me). In fact on the first take off of the day, the plane seemed to struggle a bit to get any altitude. It was pretty warm on Friday, which, in combination with our heft, adversely affected the plane’s flight characteristics. When I was going solo, it seriously got airborne in about half the distance of the first takeoff. I did three landings on my own and called it a day. Pretty much just a few long flights and hours before I get ready for the check ride.

I cruised back up to my apartment and anxiously awaited my wife’s return from work. It was really good to see her. We just got dinner at home and caught up on the week and hung out. It was a wonderful evening.

On Saturday we hung out and eventually made it out for a run. I was trying to figure out a good place to watch the eclipse when I took a closer look at the times and realized that it was totally over before the moon was even visible in LA. Oh-well. I think there is another total lunar eclipse on August 28 that should be totally visible from the west coast. Sounds like another good milestone to look forward to (after my one year anniversary, of course). That evening, Eva and I went to LACMA to catch the Magritte exhibit before it finished on Sunday. It was a little crowded but still really amazing. One of my favorite paintings is Magritte’s The Son of Man. For me it sort of reminds me to get going doing things or else you will end up an anonymous businessman in a bowler hat. I try to fill my days, but these days, especially, I find I need a fair amount of down time. As crazy as it sounds, I look back with an air of nostalgia on the times when I was working 60 hours a week, playing soccer in the evening 3 times a week, and getting out of town on the weekends. We will see if I ever get back there. I think I would be just as happy working 40 hours a week and spending the remainder with the wife. Just for the record, Eva thought Magritte sort of milked the pipe thing a bit much. After Magritte, Eva and I went over to the Grove and had a wonderful dinner at Morels. We got to sit outside on the second level and enjoy the incredibly pleasant March evening in Southern California. Not that we need an excuse to go out but I guess we were sort of celebrating the 8 months since diagnosis mark, a couple days early. It is pretty amazing to think about that. So far so good. I just have to keep doing what I am doing and hopefully this will all be behind us sometime in the near future. I would even be ecstatic to eventually get on a maintenance chemo program (this is where you cannot shrink or resect the tumors but they keep you on just enough chemo to keep them from growing. Essentially, you are trying to turn a terminal illness into a chronic disease and you just have stable cancer for the rest of your life).

On Sunday, Eva and I were off to the airport and on our way to Seattle to catch a conference on mass spectroscopy. The plan was to meet my parents for breakfast, then one of them would drop us off at the airport and take the car so that we could avoid the parking nazis that patrol our streets. On our way down, when we were about 10 minutes from LAX, I turned to Eva and asked, “What airline are we flying honey?” I had forgotten to check in the haste of last minute packing. She had a cute little look on her face and sort of replied, “Well, umm, I thought you were going to check the flight details.” At that moment we realized that we were on our way to the airport with no idea as to which airline we were taking or what flight number, and though we were not positive, we were pretty sure that the flight was leaving at 11am. We momentarily panicked and even thought of skipping breakfast (this was unacceptable to me), but then I had an idea. If we just found someone who had an internet connection, then they could go into our email and get the flight details. Unfortunately, it was 8:30am on a Sunday morning. My local friends would not have appreciated that call and my parents were already in route to meet us for breakfast. Luckily, a few of my friends have dispersed across the country and I ended up calling Tiana who is in Michigan working on her MFA. She had a good little chuckle at our situation but then got us the information we needed. Thanks Tiana! Because Tiana came through when we needed her, we went ahead and met my parents for breakfast at Stick and Stein. There was not all that much of a crowd there at 9am on a Sunday but we still all got good meals. I love the waffles covered in Strawberries, though I am not the eating machine I once was. The tricky part about a waffle with strawberries is being able to finish the waffle before the strawberries soak into it and make it all mushy. This sort of makes the waffle with strawberries one of the more anti-social breakfast meals, as really enjoying the waffle pretty much requires ending all conversation and inhaling what is in front of you. I may have to resort to getting the topping on the side in the future but then you miss out on that nice presentation. I guess that substance should win out over appearance (something I have learned all to well recently, thanks for sticking with me cutie). Once I finished my waffle, I returned to the conversation and had a really pleasant meal with my wife and my parents. One gem of the morning was my father thinking a lot of a particular line that he thought could be said at the end of a discussion with his wife, “Thank you for a very productive conversation.” Surprisingly, this did not go over very well with my mother, though it did draw a lot of laughs from Eva and me. It is complimentary, I guess. Anyways, it was really nice of my parents to help us out getting to the airport and taking care of the car for the week. As it turns out, it ended up working out pretty well for them as one of the cars had a bit of trouble starting later that week (and Eva wonders why we have four cars for four people here in America).

The flight up to Seattle was pleasant. I was surprised that it only takes 2 hours to get up there. We took a cab to the hotel (very exciting as the only other time we hired a car was on the brief honeymoon to San Francisco after the second wedding- Thanks Tom!). The hotel was very nice, and when I say very nice, I mean spectacular. Eva and I could certainly get used to this kind of lifestyle pretty quick. Not only were there nice furnishings and an incredible view, but I really liked the layout of the room. It seems like it would be a little awkward to arrange furniture in one slice of pie of a round tower but they did it really well. I particularly liked being able to work at the desk that was sitting in the middle of the wall of windows and gaze outside all day as well as sit on the couch and enjoy the view while lounging. Eva managed to get an action shot as I lived every eight-year-old’s dream of jumping on the bed (don’t tell the hotel manager).



We enjoyed the hotel for the early part of the afternoon and then made our way down to the Pike Place Market right on the waterfront, only about 4 blocks away. I was wishing that I had my BBQ with me as there were so many tasty meals just waiting to be thrown onto the grill. All sorts of seafood and I was, of course, especially drawn to the Alaskan salmon. We also saw some scallops that were the size of a small fist, pretty amazing. Though we did not see any flying fish, we did see the guys that apparently fling the fish and got to witness them harass some poor girl who did not seem to be that fond of fresh fish. I think her boyfriend was the likely instigator. Eva showed how brave she is by risking her cute little hand and putting it into the mouth of a monkfish (some smartass might say it is not that brave because the fish is dead, but sometimes those nerve endings just fire randomly, and then bye-bye little finger). It was a wonderful afternoon hanging out in Seattle on a gorgeous day.



Later that night, Eva and I ate at the restaurant at the hotel and, after seeing all that seafood earlier in the day, I decided on that raw bar sampler. Eva just shook her head. She could not believe that I could stomach, let alone enjoy, what was served to me. Two oysters, two clams, four mussels, two shrimp, and some crab legs. It was awesome and quite tasty if you go for that type of food. She ate a shrimp but that was about all that appealed to her. I knew I was taking a bit of a risk with the shellfish, but hey, you cannot live your life in fear and I can always just boost my steroids if needed. I was proud of myself that I impressed my wife by enjoying, while on chemo, what others will not touch while healthy.

Here is a shot of the view from our room. Pretty rough.



The fun for Eva began on Monday as she had two mini-courses during the day and then the opening presentation in the evening. Let me tell you, the life of the accompanying spouse is a sweet one. I enjoyed breakfast with Eva and then saw her off and then just got to hang out all day. Not that it was all that much different than my usual day but it was exciting being in a new location. I enjoyed the hotel room and also hung out quite a bit by the pool. The pool and jacuzzi were indoors beneath a glass ceiling and surrounded by glass walls. It was something like 60 degrees outside and about 80 degrees inside by the pool. Awesome.

On Tuesday, I tried to make everything as easy as possible for Eva so I went down, picked up some Starbucks, and brought it back up to the room. We enjoyed our breakfast on the couch while looking out over downtown Seattle. I wanted to see a bit of the city, so I decided to head over to the Space Needle after Eva was off to her morning sessions. It was a little pricey to go up ($15) but the view was pretty incredible from the top. It was another clear day and you could see the Olympic Mountains, Mt. Rainier behind downtown Seattle, and even Mt. Baker. The tour guide at the top told me you can only see Mt. Baker around 50 days a year so I felt pretty fortunate. I figured to get my monies’ worth, I had better hang out up there for a while, fortunately I had brought my laptop, and ended up spending a few hours playing on my computer and enjoying the view. I got to see a few seaplanes land and takeoff, which served to get the wheels in my head turning. OK, just focus on the private pilot license for now, think about the floatplane rating later.



On my way back to the hotel, Eva called and we arranged to meet for lunch with another one of her colleagues, Kian. He was a new addition to her group, was also attending the conference in Seattle, and was a really funny and pleasant person to spend time with. Lunch was really nice, though, like the Space Needle, a little pricey. I guess that is pretty typical in downtowns all across America.

One of my little quirks, that has certainly been exaggerated since diagnosis, is that once I get an idea into my head, I pursue it until I feel I that I have accomplished what I set out to do. This can be a really positive thing or a really negative thing. Sometimes, I try to realize these ideas without regard to the amount of money or time necessary and then sort of look back at the cost and shake my head. Usually they end up working out decently well and I am incredibly grateful that my wonderful wife puts up with this behavior. An early example of this was my Alpacka raft (small inflatable boat). I sort of got the idea into my head, became obsessed with it, and, sure enough, a couple weeks later was picking it up at REI. The idea that got into my head in Seattle was to install Boot Camp onto my Macbook so that I could run Windows Xp natively (essentially, so that I could run 3D games like flight simulator on my laptop). There were a few hurdles like the fact that I did not have a bootable Windows Xp disc with me, nor an Xp serial number with me, or that my hard drive was fairly full already, or that even after clearing out the hard drive I needed to reformat the empty memory in order for Boot Camp to partition the drive correctly. I did, however, have internet access, and it seems, these days, that is really all that you need. It took almost 2 days of effort and I did need to pick up an external hard drive but I got it to work. Why I decided that I needed to do this while on vacation in Seattle, I do not know. Eva just pats me on my head and smiles at my enthusiasm. She also was very perceptive when I described what I had done and she commented, “So basically you just did all this so that you could play games?” “Uhh, yes honey.” I replied. She is always so supportive. And just for the record, I am very pleased with my computer now as I can run OSX or Win Xp natively or run Win 2000 from within OSX using parallels. The intel based Macbooks can basically do anything you ask of them.

Eva worked very hard and was very busy throughout the conference. Both Tuesday and Wednesday, her day began at 8 or 8:30 in the morning and ended after 10 at night. We would meet up here and there during her lunch or dinner hour and even worked out during dinner one night. Treadmills and stationary bikes are not so bad if you have a TV mounted right in front of you. One day I got to ride while watching Koala bears get busy. What a world.

On Wednesday, Eva and I went back to the Pike Place market for lunch and enjoyed some fresh seafood while overlooking the water. Seattle does seem like a cool place to live. The city is very alive and is a really good mix of residential, commercial, and corporate space. I just get excited at all the boating opportunities. After the day’s activities, Eva and I enjoyed a stiff drink (Cranberry on the rocks) with Kian down in the hotel bar/ lounge area. Eva and I do not go out all that much so it was pretty fun to sit and talk a bit and then just be able to take the elevator back up to our room. It was way easier than the 1 and 1/2 blocks we have to walk to get to our local bar.

Thursday morning I checked out the Klondike Gold Rush museum. It was just a small museum but it was a pretty interesting subject and really, who is not fascinated by the idea of digging up a fortune in the shiny stuff. It is pretty amazing what people went through and how little most of them actually got. Still, what an adventure. I was basically the only one in the museum on a rainy Thursday morning and the museum was equipped with motion sensors that would trigger sound effects to add to the ambiance and really take you back to the 1890s. This got old pretty quick as I kept triggering each of the sounds at each station by merely shifting my weight while reading or turning my head to look at another part of the exhibit. It was a cool idea but I cannot imagine how annoying it would get with more than one person and the sounds basically continuously going off. We can only hope that the docents manage to stay sane.

The conference ended around noon on Thursday so Eva and I enjoyed one last workout in the hotel, one last lounge by the pool (it was really cool to hang out in this warm glass enclosure when it was raining outside), and then we were off to Orcas Island to visit my Aunt Mary and Uncle Jerry. The drive up was all right. We kept passing these casinos and were puzzled at the idea of how all these little reservations could be adjacent to the highway. Later, we learned that anyone can own a casino in Washington. Something to think about if you ever have ambitions of owning your own casino. It took a little longer than we anticipated to drive to Anacortes which was where we were going to catch the ferry to Orcas. We had about 15 minutes of anxiety as we were put on stand-by and told there was a possibility that we would not be able to get onto the 5:45 ferry. Who knew you had to be early to the ferry and that there would be so many people interested in going to Orcas on a Thursday evening? As we were parked and waiting to see if we would be able to get onto the ferry, a man started walking down the line of cars. I took a closer look and recognized this man and start waving. Eva was a bit perplexed and asked if I know someone in every little town we happen to pass through. I replied that I didn’t but that this man was my uncle. It was just a little surprising as we were not expecting to see him until we arrived at his home on Orcas. We had a good chuckle and he explained that he did not think his driving directions we going to be good enough to get us to his place (in actuality, he had gone off the island to pick up a Pre-core though Eva and I were very thankful to have someone to follow as my uncle lives a bit off the beaten path). We ended up making the ferry and joked that we would have been a little agitated if we missed it by one car as Jerry’s car could have potentially caused us to miss it. Eva, Jerry, and I sat and talked during the ferry ride and I enjoyed this little transition to island life (I do like boats). From the ferry, it was another half hour drive, deeper and deeper into the woods, to my uncle’s home. It was dark while we were driving so we did not get that good of a sense of our surroundings except for the trees that seemed to make the narrow road even narrower. The last few hundred yards were on a dirt/gravel road up to the house. Of course, Eva and I choose to visit while my aunt and uncle are remodeling and they still managed to take incredibly wonderful care of Eva and me. Nearly all of the work on the living areas of the house was complete and it came out really nicely. Mary had made a tasty minestrone soup and we had a nice little dinner upon our arrival. It is always good to catch up with family and I really enjoyed this as I had felt I did not get to spend as much time as I would have liked with my various family members at the wedding in October.

The next morning, Eva and I took a look outside and were pretty amazed. The house really is in the middle of the woods and the surroundings are just beautiful. The growth on the island is really dense and lush. There are plants growing on the trees that are growing amongst ferns that are surrounded by moss, which gives it this whole multi-layered effect that was very appealing to me. A small stream defines one side of their property and their view includes a few adjacent islands that are visible if it is not too foggy. Mary made Eva and I a wonderful breakfast with fresh eggs brought by the contractor who has made their house his personal project. Their dinning area is this small room adjacent to the kitchen of which half is made of glass to give this effect of being outside while still staying dry. It is sort of like eating in a tree house, which definitely appealed to the kid in me. After an exhausting few days at the conference in Seattle, Eva basically wanted to take it easy, exercise a bit, and just enjoy hanging out.




We were lucky enough to be able to borrow Chris’ (the contractor) bike and we did our usual, Eva runs while I bike, workout routine. We checked out one of the many beaches around the island and then ran/rode into the main town on the island, Eastsound. I love small towns. They usually have quite a bit of character and Eastsound was no exception. We saw 2 yarn shops. I mean honestly, only in a small town. We decided to grab a little snack (not good for Tyler to miss lunch) at a gelato/ deli in the middle of town. Eva whispered to me that the gelato guy was Swiss so, being the ostentatious American, I inquired as to his nationality. Sure enough, she was right and he happened to come from Aarau, which is only about 30 miles from the town that Eva grew up in. What a world. They spoke Swiss-German for a bit, I stood there and smiled, and then got my sandwich. The place was a little slow, weekday afternoon on an island, so we invited the man over to our table to join us while we ate. He was an interesting character and told us about the etymology of the name of his place, Enzo’s, as well as the economics of owning a gelateria on an island. Something Eva and I found amusing was that his wife was from the French part of Switzerland and that, as she was just as reluctant to speak German with him as he was to speak French with her, they have been speaking English to one another since the first day they met. Luckily for me, Eva was gracious enough to allow us to communicate using English though I still need to work on my Czech if I ever want to have a chance at communicating with my children, should we be lucky enough to have kids someday.

On our way back to my uncle’s place, Eva spotted a bald eagle flying right over the water adjacent to the road we were on. It was reminiscent of the movie Winged Migration as it was only about 20 feet from the car and flying at about the same speed we were driving at. It was such a beautiful sight and just put a smile on our faces. A few minutes after it was gone, I asked Eva if she felt patriotic after seeing such a magnificent bird. Her look answered my question and so much more. I must be in love, because I even enjoy that look.

On Friday night, we went out to dinner to a wonderful seafood restaurant on the island. Though there are no stoplights on the island, we did see the two gas stations on our way to the restaurant. My Aunt and Uncle are really entertaining people and Eva and I had a great time conversing over dinner. Whenever I have a really good meal and share it with really enjoyable company, I just feel that I am doing a good job of living life. As if I am earning my time here. I think I have always enjoyed life, but these days I just take that much more of a note of it.



On Saturday, Eva and I slept in a bit and then spent a couple hours with Mary and Jerry at the breakfast table. I was pretty spent from the workout the day before so Eva went out on a run by herself. While Eva was exploring the island a bit, Jerry and I went down the road a bit to check out the marina. I guess we both like boats. I know I keep saying this, but it was really nice talking with my uncle. We got a little lunch and ate it in “The Barge,” something of a mobile home on pontoons in the water. It was really nice to sway slightly with the occasional wave and eat while looking out onto the marina as it rained off and on. Uncle Jerry shares the same dry humor with my father and both are particularly adept at “clever” (sarcastic) remarks. I suppose, despite my intentions, I am probably proceeding down this path as well. The rest of the day, we lounged around and played with the dogs until dinner. The dogs were a couple of Australian Sheep herding dogs and were really fun. Somehow I managed to avoid having my calves nipped at by one who is not all that fond of men, especially men in hats.

We went out to dinner again on Saturday and I got a few fish tacos with the biggest chunks of halibut that I have ever seen in a taco. Again we had a wonderful meal, and somehow we would end up shutting these places down. At both dinners we would arrived when the place was packed and then be one of the last tables out of there. I hope it was because we were enjoying our meal and not because we were somehow offensive to those around us. I had showered both days, so at least I know should be in the clear (though Eva may say that one shower is not always enough for me). At this place, our waiter actually went home. We sort of wondered when we were going to get the check, and asked when they started cleaning up some of the other tables. Another waiter had a surprised look on his face, told us that our waiter had said everything was taken care of, and then proceeded to ring our bill himself.

On Sunday morning Eva and I said good-bye and begun our long journey back home. Living on Orcas Island ends up adding about four hours to your travel time to anywhere. Combine that with rental car drop off, getting to the airport early, and a two hour flight to LA, and it ends up being a full day of traveling. Doorstep to doorstep was actually only a few hours shy of a trip to Switzerland. That said, Orcas is a really special place and well worth the journey (as is Switzerland).

Grand Canyon Trip 2-26-07 to 3-2-07

On Monday night, I said goodbye to Eva and made my way down to San Pedro. It was my mother’s birthday and her and my father had gone out to a nice dinner. I wanted to go out to dinner but figured that we would have a few birthday dinners together in the next few days and decided to spend a bit of extra time with my wife. My dad had arrainged for me to pick up a MacBook for my mother and she was totally surprised when I walked in with it. It was really wonderful to see the excitement on her face. A new toy for the family. I related that one of the salespersons at the Apple store asked “Didn’t you already get a couple computers a few weeks ago?” I replied that I had, but this one was for my mother. She just smiled. My dad got major points for the gift as well as for the surprise. Usually the surprises in the house are something along the lines of “Hey honey, I just got tickets to the Lakers’ game, can you be ready to go in 20 minutes?” or “Who wants to take the boat out right now? What? You have to grab a jacket? Well, OK.” A friend from college, John Burke, joined our family for the trip to the Grand Canyon and had gotten to the house just before me, Monday night. I was happy to hear that he had made it up from San Diego in about 2 hours this time because he has had a bit of trouble with traffic in the past (his worst trip took over 5 hours and I giggle every time I think about poor John getting madder and madder in traffic). We all enjoyed birthday brownies together and celebrated my mother’s birthday as well as her retirement.

Tuesday morning we left at about 4 in the morning. My parents are big on getting an early start for the long road trips and it was a pretty smooth trip. My parents took care of all the driving and John and I just hung out in the back of the van. We put the middle seat down and had something like a bed on wheels, complete with an entertainment system provided by my laptop. Not a bad way to travel. I felt decent most of the way though it was tiring to be in the car for so long. The trip took a little over 9 hours. The lemony/metallic taste was rather prevalent in my mouth most of the way which was a little unpleasant. I just felt a little funny, not 100%, which was almost certainly chemo related. Towards the end, I just wanted some real food (not snacks) and, as Eva knows, I can be pretty unpleasant to be around when I am hungry. John and my parents handled me well. After we checked out the Canyon from the rim, we went to the market and I got myself a sandwich. The canyon is spectacular and is definitely a must if you have never seen it. I could never do it justice trying to describe it. Probably the most powerful aspect about it is how it impacts the thoughts and notions you have about yourself. Its incredible beauty and expanse really puts things into perspective.

After a few final preparations for the hike, we got settled into our hotel room and made our way over to the cafeteria for dinner. It has always amazed me about how much information total strangers will present to you with little or no prompting. In a matter of about 3 minutes, I had learned a considerable amount about the life and history of the woman serving the pasta. I merely asked for the penne with alfredo sauce and this got her on a track that would start with a warning that the white sauce was not very good, that the cook would not even eat it, moved onto tell me that her son was a cook, had been to a fine culinary school (the same one as Wolfgang Puck), had been a cook there at Grand Canyon Village but left when his girlfriend got fired and they told him he really could not continue to be a cook because he had the shakes or something. The woman herself had also been a cook for a while but did not really like it all that much. I just sort of stood there as she went on. It seemed like she needed to tell someone all this and I happened to be that person. I only wonder if she tells everyone that she serves pasta to this entire story. Just know that, if you are short on time, it might be a better move to go for a burrito. After dinner, we all settled in pretty quick as it had been a long day of traveling and the next day was going to be a long day of hiking.

We got up pretty early and were on the trail about 8:30am. We opted to take the South Kaibob trail down and planned to take the Bright Angel trail back up. It had snowed over night and continued to snow in the morning which made us feel that much more hardcore. John was sporting the now popular “shorts over the tights” look, which was much admired by my father. It was a little cold and windy as we made our decent, but we were prepared for it and it was probably a lot nicer than if it was 110 degrees out. There was a bit of snow on the ground but, luckily, not really any ice. Most of the canyon was obscured by the clouds at the beginning of the trail, but it slowly opened up as we made our way further into the wilderness. It has to be said again, the views are truly spectacular. I just love it. The beauty sort of calms me, helps me relax, and think that everything is going to be OK. It is nice to be able to take a deep breath and relax a bit from time to time.



We stopped for lunch about halfway down. We found a nice little spot with a pretty nice view into the inner canyon. We could even see our destination, Phantom Ranch. Saltines, salami, and cheese – what a lunch. Somehow that combination is just unbeatable when you are out in the woods, or in this case, a canyon. John used to be the “Cracker Challenge” champion in college and he got a little excited when I brought out the crackers for lunch. The question of whether or not he could still do the challenge was all the invitation necessary to get him to attempt it then and there. If you have never heard of the Cracker Challenge, the basic idea is to eat 6 saltine crackers in 1 minute without drinking any fluids. If it sounds easy, I will bet you $10 you cannot do it. Just tell me when and where and you can be sure my money will be on the table. My dad tried it once in a restaurant and only got through 2 crackers when this look of realization came over his face- he gave-up and went for his wine. Check out the video to see if John accomplishes this amazing feat and remains a Cracker Challenge Champion.



The rest of the hike was nice and the weather was actually pretty pleasant on our way down into the canyon. It had stopped snowing and the sun even came out a bit. At the bottom, we crossed over a bridge and got to talk to a guy that was on a raft trip through the canyon. It was really interesting talking to him and brought back a lot of memories from when my father and I rafted through the Grand Canyon. Our trip was 18 days in the summer and was just an amazing experience. One of, if not the, best trips of my life. The winter trips have a couple extra things going for them one has to weigh against the idea of probably being cold for the entire trip. You can go longer (I think up to 30 days), collect wood and build campfires, and you have the river virtually to yourself. It was an amazing experience in the summer and we saw a whole lot less people than almost anywhere else in the world, but in the winter the solitude is even more dramatic. These guys had been on the river for 10 days and not seen anyone else. Pretty wild when you think about it. This would have appealed to me pre-diagnosis, but these days, it is a bit depressing knowing that it is just too much of a risk to be so far away from medical facilities for so long. It will be a pretty amazing milestone, if someday, I will feel confident enough in my health to go on a weeklong camping trip.



After we crossed the river, it was just another quarter mile to Phantom Ranch. My father had managed to pick-up a cancellation a few weeks ago so we got to stay in a little cabin. How he got the cabin, I do not know. I have called and asked for cancellations and just been laughed at. They open up reservations for each month on the first day of the month, a year in advance and the whole month is usually booked in those first few days (for the following year). I was just stoked to be down there. I had been to Phantom twice before. Once camping with the folks when I was a kid and then once on the river trip. It is a really special place. Something like 3 million people a year visit the rim of the canyon but only a small fraction of those ever make it down to the river below.

We got to the ranch in the afternoon and hung out in the mess hall/ game room/ cantina for a while. My father was the Texas Hold-em champion and managed to take a handful or two of pretzels off of both John and me. I regained my confidence by working the group at hearts. Later, we got cleaned up for dinner in the shower house. This was a major benefit to staying at the ranch. I just felt bad for all those poor dirty campers. The showers were in a nice heated room and the water was wonderful. There is nothing like a hot shower after hiking all day. Dinner was awesome. It was a steak dinner with a baked potato, corn, peas, corn bread, and a salad. Food always tastes better when camping, but that steak was truly incredible. I even had glass of wine with the meal just to celebrate life and surviving the way down. The little cabin was pretty cool. Just a couple bunk beds, a desk, and a toilette. The beds seemed a bit precarious and it was not until we were about to leave, the next morning, that my father noticed the wood railings resting up against the wall. Luckily, neither my father nor I had any trouble staying centered on those skinny little beds during the night.

Wow, was I sore the next day. We had breakfast at the mess hall again and it was another wonderful meal. I love big breakfasts and this one fit the bill with pancakes, scrambled eggs, bacon, and mandarin oranges. We got talking to another couple a breakfast that were quite an interesting pair. They were from Chicago and had done a multi-day road trip to get to the canyon and then hike down to phantom ranch. They were telling us about some of the stops along the way like an ostrich farm, a restaurant in Missouri where the waiters throw rolls at you, and the second largest cross in America (it is in Texas if you are curious). Once you got them going, there was no stopping them. The clean-up guy had to kick us out. A little odd, but, nonetheless, pretty interesting.

We got on our way about 8 in the morning for the long trip out of the canyon. We opted for the Bright Angel trail because, though it is a few miles longer, the trail is less steep, it is somewhat protected from the sun, and actually runs next to a stream for the lower half. Before we left the bottom, I went and touched the river and splashed a little water over my head. I think that deep down I hope that maybe the water will wash away the cancer from within my body. I used to be so logical, a freaking engineer, now look at me. I also kid with Eva sometimes about doing a cancer dance to get it out of my body. Hey, some of the chemo regimens don’t seem to have any more rhyme or reason. More often than you would like, when you look for information about the method of action about a certain chemo, the answers are along the lines of “We don’t know what happens, but people seem to live a bit longer when they take this.” I usually just reply, “Well OK, bottoms up.” or “Here’s a good vein” (depending on the preferred method of poison delivery).



We made it up to Indian Gardens, the halfway point by about noon. The squirrels there were braver than any squirrels I have ever seen. One almost went inside my dad’s backpack that was only about 2 feet from all of us. I continued to enjoy my salami and cheese on crackers and we had a nice lunch. The second half was definitely the tougher half but we just took it slow. The whole time, in the back of my mind, was that I really did not want to inflict any more lung fibrosis upon myself. I had gotten Taxotere, the likely culprit for the first bit of lung fibrosis, only 4 days before the hike out, and I tried really hard during the hike to keep my breathing under control. I knew that I would get the finger if I went back to Eva coughing (not the middle finger, the index finger of contempt and disappointment). There was no water between Indian Gardens and the rim but it was a good temperature to hike so that was not really an issue (during the summer they bring down water to the 1.5 mile and 3 mile rest houses). In the last mile or two, we would have to stop so that I could catch my breath about every 5 or 10 minutes. I figured that it just gave us an excuse to stop and enjoy the view. On the way out we saw both deer and goats. It was pretty neat, the goats were just sort of hanging out on the trail and we actually could get closer to them than when I was at the zoo the weekend before. It is always exciting to see some wildlife.

By about a quarter after 4, we were back on the rim. It was a pretty tiring couple of days (7 miles down and about 9.5 back up with a 4500 foot elevation difference between the rim and the river) but certainly worth it. I always feel calmed when I get to witness such natural beauty. I did miss my wife but hopefully we will make it back there together someday. It would be an exciting destination if I can finish up my pilot’s license. We got a bite to eat, showered off at the campground (nice warm showers, sweet), and then got started on our way back to LA. My parents, once again, took the wheel for which I am very appreciative. They certainly made it easy for John and me. We pulled in sometime around 2am. Needless to say, I was pretty exhausted for a few days and my sleeping rhythm was shaken a bit.

Here we are back at the top.



Live Strong,
TN

Weekend of the 24th

Friday evening, Eva and I had a nice night at home. While in Switzerland I had wanted, but never gotten, some pigs in a blanket and Eva was good enough to surprise me with some homemade pigs in a blanket for dinner. We added some vegetables and had a nice meal and then enjoyed “Casablanca,” which Eva had never seen. What a wonderful movie and nice time together. I know I must just be repeating myself, but one of my favorite things to do, is just to spend time with my wife.

If I do not have a packed day from time to time, I get a little edgy, so on Saturday we tried to alleviate some of the jitters. Eva and I got up and had a bit of breakfast and then went out for a run. I did the usual bike half and run half but actually got a bit of speed going on the run part. For the last little while I have been sort of dragging my feet when I run, but on Saturday, I was able to pick them up a bit and actually stride it out for about 15 minutes. It felt good to do something that actually somewhat resembled running. Most of the time I have just felt like some sort of a lineman trudging along trying to get the torture over with as soon as possible. Eva mentioned that the good times are over, referring to the good times she has working me every time we go out for a run. I reassured her that she will still have plenty of good times ahead of her.

After we got cleaned up and had a bit of lunch, we headed over to the LA Zoo. It was kind of random that we both came up with the idea of going to the zoo that morning. It was not packed but there were still quite a number of people at the zoo. I guess we were not the only clever ones. Eva and I always have a good time at the zoo. There was a lot of construction going on but we still hit the animals that were high on our lists; the Lemurs, the Koalas, and the Pudus. The Pudu is a very small deer and just adorable. It even gives Sony a run for his money in cuteness. The Duiker took the title for the stupidest looking animal of the day for his dumb expression and inability to keep his tongue inside his mouth or off of any surface within its reach. It was a really pleasant day and we covered pretty much all of the zoo in a reasonable amount of time. It was a lot nicer than braving the zoo during the hot summer where what should be a pleasant walk can easily turn into a death march.

From the zoo, Eva and I made our way down to the Galen Center to catch the Cal vs. USC basketball game. The tickets were a Christmas gift from my parents and it was a really fun intro to college basketball for Eva. The Cal fans were certainly in the minority but we still made our voice heard a number of times during the game. I am pretty sure Eva and I caused the SC players to miss at least one free throw. Cal made a decent showing but ended up losing by a considerable margin. Oh-well. It was pretty neat to see the crowd get pretty excited as a walk-on got some playing time for USC in the final minutes of the game. Apparently this senior has a great attitude and is loved by the students and alumni. Every time he got the ball, a roar of anticipation would fill the arena. With about ten seconds to go, he got the ball and fired from beyond the arc, the crowd erupted with excitement and cheering. It was a pretty nice thing to witness. Even though Cal lost the game, it was a fun game to watch and Eva and I had a great time. Somehow I always end up having a great time with Eva. I guess I am just a lucky guy.

The game was done by about 7 so Eva and I thought that we might as well finish off our day with a movie. We had ambitions of trying to catch LACMA and a movie but decided that we were not really up for a 10pm showing. We watched “Breech” at the Arclight in Hollywood. If you have never been to the Arclight, I would recommend going at least once. Just know that the dome showings often sell out but almost any showing is something of a unique theater experience. They usually have a guy that sort of introduces the movie and, depending on the energy level of the guy, it can be quite entertaining. You can go in any attire you like but another interesting aspect about this theater is that people sort of dress up a bit. It is just a movie but for some reason people must think they might be seen there.

Because I have been getting up with Eva when she gets up to get ready for work, I have sort of been conditioned to get up at 7am. Combine this with the fact that our new apartment gets way more light and it has become a bit of a challenge to sleep in on Sunday morning. That is not necessarily a bad thing as long as you work in a little nap time later in the day. Since we were both up, we got a little breakfast and decided to have a little backgammon showdown. She just was not getting the rolls she needed and I ended up taking her down. One game I think I got all the doubles except double fives. She was not willing to let the day continue without salvaging a little dignity so she brought out Boggle. I am always astounded by her Boggle skills, especially since English is like her fourth or fifth language. She creamed me in the first game but then, once I got warmed up a bit, I began closing down the gap. I even pulled ahead by a couple words but we just continued playing until she had creamed me one last time and was satisfied with herself. She is so cute and competitive.

We got out for a run but then spent the afternoon just doing a sort of domestic tasks that needed to get done. She got a good start on studying for the MCAT and I just putzed around and paid some bills. After dinner, we did our part to keep the economy going by engaging in some consumerism. We picked up a Macbook for my father to give to my mother for her birthday on Monday. Then we got some small electronics for ourselves and even worked in a Target stop.

Monday morning I had an infusion. It had been about a week and a half since I had been in the office and it felt good to get back in there. I got Epirubicin, Taxotere, and Erbitux. It was the first time in a while that I got what I consider a full round of chemo. We are still figuring out how this new regimen will be structured. We just sort of go with the flow until we have gone enough to get an idea of what to expect. Sony was there and we got to play with him a bit. I was touched when Dr. Isacoff said that he and I are the only ones who he licks so adamantly. The doctor was in fine form and it is just nice to be around him and always so calming. Pam, a very nice woman we have seen a number of times in the office, was there and we got to have a very nice conversation in the lounge. She has such a great attitude and we think so similarly on a number of things. It is just always a pleasure to see her. I hope for the day that we can just look back and smile on everything that we went through. Believe me when I tell you that there have been so many new experiences and feelings throughout this journey. We just have to hope that we come out of it so that we can use those experiences to better our lives. Something I love about her is just her drive to live and make the most of everything around her. I feel we are something of kindred spirits in this regard and it is just so refreshing to see a good fight being fought as it should be. Occasionally you run into patients that are self involved, depressed, or oblivious and none of those attitudes helps any of us. Yes, we are all in pretty shitty situations. The only thing that we have control over is how we how we react and handle the situation. I just hope that I have the courage to maintain a positive and optimistic attitude no matter what is presented to me. We will see.

Eva decided to take the rest of the afternoon off to study and spend time with me as we will be apart for the remainder of the week. She spent the time studying for the MCAT while I just kind of putzed around the house and packed a bit for my upcoming trip to the Grand Canyon. It was pretty nice just hanging out. It had been a while since I had received something resembling a full round of chemo. The last two treatment sessions were only Mitomycin C which does not even require premeds (the premeds usually are what makes you feel funny on the day of an injection). I felt pretty good the rest of the day and actually had a good amount of energy. As usual, I was packing right up until I had to go. I guess I just like the rush of adrenaline and I always figure that, worst case, I just go buy whatever I need. It was good spending time with Eva and I do not really like the idea of leaving her, but I cannot pass up the Canyon. This will be the first time since we have been married that we will spend more than a day away from each other. I know it does not sound like that big a deal, but considering the present circumstances, our bond is incredibly strong and gets a lot of its strength from us being around each other. The few nights I have sent away from her in the past have been a bit rough. Basically, it just sucks getting into a cold bed.

Just to get a bit of excitement going, on the next blog there should be some pictures. I just have not been carrying the camera around as much as I should be.
-TN

2-19-2007 through 2-23-2007

On Monday, we gave Sony back to Dr. Isacoff. It was sad seeing him go but Eva and I stayed strong and managed to get on with our lives. The apartment just seemed so empty without him. Even after he was gone, he was still prominently featured in our dinner conversation. On Monday, Eva and I went for a run/bike ride during her lunch break. As always, it was good to get out and move around a bit. After she was finished with work, we watched “The Brother’s Grimm.” It looked like it might be too scary for me but I just held Eva’s hand tighter and made it through.

On Tuesday, I hung around the apartment in the morning and then went off to a little political event. Eva and I have been pretty into current events and we had heard that Barrack Obama was going to have a rally in Los Angeles. I got my little e-ticket and then cruised down to the Baldwin Hills to catch his afternoon address. I had never been to one of these rallies before and it was pretty interesting. It was a pretty diverse crowd, from the hippied out young white people to cute little old couples to young men and women in suits to normal looking everyday people. I liked what he had to say. He has actually taken stances on a number of issues and I tend to agree with his views on almost all of those key issues. They included getting out of Iraq, getting everyone covered with health insurance, increasing educational funding, looking at alternative fuels and addressing global warming. One provocative idea was that, currently, we are funding both sides of the war on terror. It will be interesting to see how the race for the White house shapes up over the next 2 years.

After the rally, I went down to Long Beach for my first flying lesson in about a month. The plan was for a night flight to Camarillo. It was a pretty night and the flight was pretty smooth. It still amuses me how much you use the freeways when flying. To get to Camarillo, we took the 405 to LAX, then kept flying north until we hit the 101, then we took the 101 to Camarillo. On the way back we flew over the Santa Monica Mountains to the coast, followed PCH back to LAX, and then the 405 back to Long Beach. The freeways just end up being really readily identifiable landmarks and easy navigation aids.

On Wednesday, Eva and I went out for another bike/run during lunch and then ended up watching “Who Killed the Electric Car?” at night. It was a very provocative movie and I would definitely recommend it for anyone who drives a car.

My dad came up on Thursday and he joined Eva and I on another bike/run. Our usual course starts at our apartment, goes through the neighborhood to Santa Monica Blvd, takes the dirt path along Santa Monica Blvd. to the fountain at Wilshire, and then returns to the apartment the same way. It is a good little run and is about 5 miles total. I usually ride my bike until the dirt path and then decide if I want to keep riding or if I am up for running the dirt part. It is some good bonding time for Eva and I. She has gotten into great shape and can totally carry on a conversation while running at a pretty good clip. I can maintain a conversation on the bike but generally need her to talk while I am running. Sometimes, they are quite the little political discussions as we go over the topics of the news hour, “Left, Right, and Center,” or “The McLaughlin Group.” She has come a long ways in her knowledge about American history and politics. Somehow the history has not enchanted her into getting excited about becoming an American citizen. Oh-well, I guess I will just have to keep working on her. Maybe I should make her say the Pledge of Allegiance when we get up in the morning. I am sure that would go over real well.

It was a supposed to rain on Thursday, and it was pretty cloudy, but after a dry run we threw caution to the wind and decided to go golfing. It started drizzling on our way over to the course and by the time we got there it was raining pretty steadily. We killed a half hour in the little diner and got ourselves a good afternoon snack/meal waiting for the rain to stop but no luck. We weren’t really that well prepared as we had left one umbrella in my dad’s car, the other umbrella in the apartment, and both of our jackets were far from waterproof. Who knew it actually rained in LA? We put on the inadequate clothes we had and decided that we would play until it was too miserable to continue. The course was the Los Feliz par 3 over by Griffith park. It was the golf course featured in “Swingers” which made it that much more exciting to play. The only other players on the course were a couple of seven year olds and their instructor. We decided to hop in front of them and played the 9 hole course starting at hole 3 and ending at hole 2. Both of our first shots were actually pretty good and we started out wondering if our rounds were going to be reminiscent of Caddy Shack. We agreed that, at the first lightning, we would call it, no matter how well we were doing. We played a decent round, we got a couple pars, some bogeys and a few double and triple bogeys. The triple bogeys were probably caused by the conditions of the course. I am sure it had nothing to do with our skill level. My dad summed it up pretty well when he said, “I am glad that we don’t do this so often that we would actually care about how well we played.” Amongst the rollers and shanks, there were moments of glory. Luckily the course was pretty much free of other golfers who might have inhibited our celebratory dances after key moments like 2 putting or just avoiding the trees. By the end we were pretty soaked but both of us thought it was well worth it.

After we got back and dried off a bit, we went out to dinner with Eva to a place called Orso, just a couple blocks away. It is still so cool to be able to walk to all these really nice restaurants. This place was pretty classy and complete with Hollywood wannabes and Beverly Hills monsters. If you do not know what a Beverly Hills Monster is, just ask Eva, and make sure that you have a few minutes.

Today I went for another flying lesson. We just cruised out to the practice area over the Long Beach Harbor, reviewed some maneuvers and did a little flying by instruments, and then practiced some landings. After the lesson, I went up to UCLA and had lunch with Mike, a friend from high school. After circling around Westwood a bit, we miraculously found a parking spot and, though we had seen some other restaurants during the search for a spot, decided to choose from the 3 that were right in front of us. We ended up going with a vegetarian place and had a really nice lunch. It is pretty amazing all the various meat substitutes they have these days. I was almost hoping that they had a little sampler platter so that I could compare and try to determine which ones were actually like the meat they claimed to emulate. Mike is a pretty hilarious guy and I had a pretty fun time hearing about the good and the frustrating aspects of being a PhD student. I told him that he still looks pretty normal for a math grad student and that if he ever wants to get anywhere that he should really think about dressing more eccentrically. We will see if he heads my advice.

As usual, I am still doing well. It has been nice taking a week off even though the chemo has remained mellow. I still feel normal. Looks like a busy couple weeks coming up with a few little adventures planned. I hope all of you are doing well and wish you all the best in whatever endeavors you are undertaking.

Take Care and Live Strong,
Tyler

2-17-2007 Weekend with Sony

Eva and I decided that, because there is so much hype around Valentine’s day and, since the day is fairly arbitrary (sure you can make the Hallmark argument that the 14th is the day of Saint Valentine but the whole holiday was sort of invented anyways), we would celebrate Valentine’s day on the 15th. OK, in actuality we are just cheap and did not want to spend $30 on a dozen sad looking roses. We had plans to go to LACMA and then out to dinner, but those sort of got derailed when an opportunity presented itself at the oncologist’s office. I went in for some blood work and, after I commented on how soft Sony’s coat was, Dr. Isacoff asked if I wanted to take him for the weekend. I immediately said yes as I knew how much Eva had wanted a dog when she was a kid and how much she loves Sony. After my blood was drawn, Dr. Isacoff and I went down to his car to gather Sony’s belongings. Sony does not travel light. We had a doggie bed, and two bags full of food, toys, and treats. I got some simple instructions, “1/3 of a can of dog food, twice a day, cut it up into Sony size bites, and microwave it for 11 seconds, he usually poops twice a day, morning and night, but he will let you know, treat him like a baby and you will have no problems” and off Sony and I went. He is so trusting, I really do not think he would mind if he was dog-napped.

When I got home I called Eva to make sure that she was going to come home for lunch and then Sony sort of explored the apartment and got used to his new surroundings. About an hour after I got home, Dr. Isacoff called to check in. “You two still alive?” he inquired. “Yup, no problem.” I replied trying to hide the insecurity in my voice. I was just beginning to realize that this really was like caring for a baby and that I basically had zero experience in that role. Adding to the intensity was that this was not just anyone’s dog, but my oncologist’s dog. He basically has my life in his hands and I would really like to stay on his good side.

A bit after 12, Eva came home and was greeted by a little furry bundle of joy. She was noticeably excited and began playing with Sony. About 10 minutes later, I got my “good to see you for lunch” kiss. I made sure that I had done the right thing by bringing Sony home, and she just nodded with a big smile on her face. We ate a little lunch and played with the dog some more and then, sadly, Eva had to go back to work.

Thursday evening, we took Sony on a walk to the grocery store and stocked up on food for ourselves. Eva and I always made fun of those people who are obsessed with their dogs, but it only took a few hours for our lives to be consumed by Sony. He became the focal point of a majority of our conversations and we were constantly watching or playing with him. Friday morning, Sony got us up at 5:30am and let us know that he needed to go outside. I threw a jacket on and took him out. I had not been up before the sun in quite a while and was a little surprised that it was still dark.

The energy of the dog itself was not the only thing adding to the excitement of having Sony around, our building does not allow pets. Every time we needed to go in or out of the building with Sony, it was like a little smuggling operation. In figuring out the best way to get him in and out, we tried backpacks, shopping bags, and finally my travel bag. That seemed t be the ticket as Sony actually really liked it in there and would occasionally go into it of his own accord when it was just lying around the apartment. This was a good bag for smuggling, as he totally fit inside and was fairly comfortable, but Sony did not really understand the idea of staying still or quiet during the little operations. He liked being in the bag but always wanted to have his head out so he could see where we were going. He didn’t ever bark while in the bag but he sort of has this grumble that sounds like he is snoring and that would sort of give away that there was something alive in the bag. We were doing really well until we went out for lunch on Friday. On the way back, our manager was walking into the building just in front of us. He held the door for Eva and though we were a little behind, we were almost sure he saw us. It has been a few days, and he has not said anything, so hopefully we are in the clear. We felt a little bad as he sort of helped us get our new apartment. Anyways, we decided we had better head down to San Pedro instead of smuggling Sony around all weekend.

When we got down to San Pedro, my parents were really excited to see Sony and Sony just loved all the attention. He even liked my dad who has not had a very good track record with canines. Probably the most hilarious aspect of the new setting was the combination of Sony with the wood floors. It did not look like Sony has had too much experience with such a slippery surface, as there were a few small crashes when Sony was getting used to the house. We had to make sure not to throw a toy too close to the dinning room table or the wall or you were just setting Sony up for a collision. After about a day, he sort of figured out the idea of slowing down before getting to within inches of the various obstacles.

Sony is an incredibly easy dog in a lot of ways but also a very attention needy dog as well. He is remarkably mellow and accepting of new people and adjusted to staying with us really well. Then again, it always seems that once you start doing something that does not include him, he gets restless. He also seems to like high places, which was a little interesting to me as he is quite a little dog. It probably is related to his curious nature as he is probably interested in what is on the table as well as what he can see from the higher vantage point.

Between just is cute little face, adorable antics, and wonderful personality, Sony melted our hearts in the short amount of time we got to spend with him. It was really fun taking him out on walks as well as playing with him around the house. Eva and I got a little taste of parenthood and would find ourselves getting anxious if we did not know exactly where he was. Of course there were not so fun times, too, like picking up poop at 5:30 in the morning, but overall, Sony was just great to have around and hopefully we will get to take care of him again sometime.

As far as me, I am doing well and am off of chemo for a short break. I will resume Xeloda next Thursday and resume chemo the week after. Having the dog around definitely got my mind off of the cancer and kept a smile on my face. On Saturday, I went on a longer bike ride with my father- once around the peninsula, 22 miles. Riding the bike is one of the only activities that I can do for an extended period of time and it felt really good to sweat a bit. I still feel basically normal and am very thankful for that. The window into parenthood that Sony provided was also something of a catalyst to keep focused on beating this disease and hopefully having the opportunity to be a parent one day.
-TN

Happy Valentine's Day

Happy Valentine's Day to you all. I hope that each and every one of you are as lucky as I am and have someone special to share it with. If not, I hear that they have some pretty wicked singles parties today so maybe that perfect someone is just a few drinks away.

I would have liked to have posted more over the last few weeks but between the various activities and just not feeling like writing, it has gone a bit by the wayside. Also, if I have not returned your call, I will try to shortly. Don't think that I am ignoring you.

Healthwise I am still feeling really well and handling the treatment really well. I had a scan on Jan 15 with some mixed results. The good news was that there were no new sites of metastases and that the metastases previously observed had not grown or changed (still a handful of small spots on the liver and a nodule at my lung base). The bad news was that the cyst had actually grown a bit. It had shrunk pretty significantly after the first scan on Oct 31, 2006 and is still much smaller than when it was characterized during diagnosis, but it seems that if it is now growing, that it is no longer responding to this particular chemo regimen. So, we have changed regimens. I am now on a drug called Mitomycin C along with Xeloda. The drug is a purple liquid that is given intravenously from a syringe that looks like a small turkey baster. The liquid really looks like purple gatorade. The chemo schedule has not really been established yet, but it looks like I will be getting this every other week. It has been quite a change of time commitment with this drug regimen versus the previous regimen. Before I would spend 4 hours on two consecutive days getting chemo in the office. Now I am in and out in less than an hour and only go in for one day. It is nice not having to be there so long but actually, I really enjoy the office and would almost always love chatting it up in the chemo lounge. It also makes me a little anxious to go from 5 drugs down to 2. If I had it my way, they would have just added this drug into the mix. The side effects are pretty minimal as I have not noticed anything particularly out of the ordinary. Eva has mentioned that my mood has changed a bit but that might have also been from being a bit bummed out about the scan. I don't know. I still feel healthy and have been holding onto the idea that if they did not tell me I was sick, I would not know.

As far as keeping busy, I did a bit of flying in January and passed the written test for my pilots licence. Then Eva and I headed over to Switzerland to see Eva's family. We spent a couple of weeks on the continent and it was really fun. Eva got to go shopping with her mother which some how started with some pant shopping for me (which I do not know how I survived). Let me tell you, pant shopping has become quite a humbling experience. I have actually dropped a few pounds but not really enough to make a significant difference in my waste size. I was a pretty good size guy before adding 20 pounds and now I am just a big boy. When the 36s were too tight, we went to the 38s, and then even a 40. Pretty depressing for a guy that used to get 34s so I could sag them down around my butt. Eva and her mother were relentless, too. It was like they were on a mission to find me some pants that fit well. They just kept coming back with more pants. I could not keep up with trying them all on. Then, Eva's mother had an epiphany, "Stretch pants are the answer." Eventually, we found a couple pairs of pants and the ordeal was over. For the rest of the afternoon, they let me hang out at the food court with my laptop while they sought out the deals they had been dreaming about. They made some pretty incredible scores, too. It seemed like everything Eva got was like 30 franks marked down from 300. What a cute little shopping duo.

Aside from shopping, we had a couple cultural outings but the primary reason for the trip was to spend time with Eva's family. We had a few really nice dinners with Eva's parents as well as George (the brother) and his girlfriend Susi. I do not know if it was the time change or the chemo or what, but Eva and I also slept more than we have in a long time while we were over there. We felt a little bad for missing breakfast most mornings, but it was really nice and rejuvenating to get some good quality sleep. We did do one little trip to the L'Alsce region of France. It is the fertile Rein land region that has traded hands between Germany and France probably a couple dozen times. There are a number of cute little towns in the middle of vast vineyards. We had a spectacular dinner at one of these little vineyards. The food and the ambiance were great until, as we were leaving, the cook started hanging off Eva a bit. A group of actors assured me that this was the French way and then we joined them for a bit of champagne and desserts. I did not like it much but was appeased by a couple jars of preserves. Yes, it was as random as it sounds.

Finally, I just want to pay a little tribute to my wonderful wife, without which I would almost certainly not be here right now. She is an incredible source of happiness and joy in my life and I could not imagine living without her. I am continually perplexed by how such a beautiful woman can also be so kind and loving and fun to be with. I could not have created a more perfect companion given an infinite amount of resources and time. Eva, I truly love you, you are the light of my life.
-Tyler

1-14-2007

Well the last few days have been a little relaxing and have allowed me a little time to recover. I think I was more tired from the weekend than I realized as I took long naps on Thursday and Friday. Of-course, my tiredness could have been chemo related but I would bet it was more of a culmination of everything that has been going on. Man, those naps felt good. When I eventually do get back to work, I would not be surprised if, occasionally, I took a few hours of PTO to enjoy a good nap.

My health is still pretty stable and I actually hit a bit of a milestone last weekend. January 5th marked 6 months since diagnosis. Again, there really are no statistics for 25 year old, "healthy," individuals with pancreatic cancer, but I have survived longer than what a lot of the horrible information on the internet was predicting. In a way, it is a bit exciting to be where I am right now. Some of my fellow patients, as well as myself, actually have the opportunity to perhaps be some of the first long term pancreatic cancer survivors. Hopefully the tide is turning a bit in what has, until recent years been a very one sided battle. For now, I try to stay focused on the immediate goals and just keep hoping for the cancer to respond to the chemo.

After my long wonderful nap on Thursday, Eva and I went to the King's game. We were joined by a childhood friend of mine, Jeff, and his girlfriend, Stacy, as well as Adam Shaffer and his girlfriend, Tran. It was Tran's first major sporting event and she seemed to be quite excited. Although I am not sure if she was more excited by the game or the nachos. What ever it was, there was a smile on her face. It was really good to catch up with Jeff and Adam as I had not seen either in a little while. Jeff was comparing this experience to the last game he went to where he got to sit right up against the glass (we were up in the nosebleeds, though it was a pretty good vantage point from which to watch the game). It certainly was not as exciting without the guys crashing into the glass right in front of you, but you could definately follow the game much better as the puck was actually visible a majority of the time from our perspective. Anyways, it was a pretty enjoyable game but the Kings ended up losing to the Sharks 5-2. Our goalie kept getting beat on his right side.

Friday and Saturday were spent mostly lounging around the apartment. Friday's highlight was a really nice lunch with Eva. On Saturday we took care of a few domestic things (laundry, mail, bills, etc.) and then met my parents for dinner followed by the theater. Eva picked out a nice little Vietnamese place right next to the theater and, in an effort to impress Richard and Joey, I had the Pho (uncooked meat thrown into the hot soup). It was pretty good although I never know exactly what to do with the extra stuff they bring (sprouts and liquorish leaves). Eva also picked the show and we saw "The Queen of Bingo" at a small theater just down the street from our apartment. It was a riot. Especially since Eva and my folks had actually played Bingo in Vegas last year. So many of the hilarious idiosyncrasies were captured by these two somewhat large men playing older women. At the intermission, the audience actually got to play a round of Bingo that was dubbed the Middle Bird Special and the winner actually took home a turkey. Now one of the major Fo-Pas in the bingo world is calling bingo when you don't actually have it, usually the result of some confusion or mix-up as to what game is being played or what card everyone is on. Our family almost suffered the embarrassment of a false call in Vegas when my dad was a card behind and called it once before my mother could rein him in and show him his mistake (luckily only a few people around us heard and the family name was saved). Needless to say, a bit of fear jostled me as my father once again called bingo during the middle bird special at the theater last night. Eva and I looked at each other and half grimaced and half smiled and just hoped that he actually had it, which he did. My father won the middle bird special to cap off an incredible day (he had scored and the team had won his soccer game earlier in the day). We enjoyed the second half of the show and then the priest/bingo caller delivered the prize. We were sort of expecting a game hen or something of that nature when he hands over a 19 pound turkey. We were a little shocked and that bird got pretty heavy on our walk home. Anyways, it was just a fun wonderful evening out and about.

Today, Eva and I kept it low key and just had a really nice day. It is amazing how much we have both grown to enjoy just spending time together. I still try to squeeze in quite a bit, but it is important to also slow down from time to time. I biked alongside Eva as she ran this morning and on the way back we stopped at the farmer's market along Santa Monica Blvd. We picked up a few of tastiest oranges I have ever had and then moved onto the strawberries and avocados. Eva put the brakes on when she almost bought a $3 tomato. Granted it was hydroponically grown, but that still seemed a little excessive. I know that Eva and I were really close before this whole thing but we have grown incredibly close over the last 6 months. It seems as if we are closer everyday and it is such a wonderful feeling. There really is very little I enjoy more than just spending time with her and being close to her. I wish each and everyone of you out there the kind of contentment, closeness, and happiness that I feel right now. Of-course there are rough times and sometimes she is so feisty that I can't handle her but those times are rare, and she has just been such a big part of me doing as well as I am doing.
-TN