On Monday, we gave Sony back to Dr. Isacoff. It was sad seeing him go but Eva and I stayed strong and managed to get on with our lives. The apartment just seemed so empty without him. Even after he was gone, he was still prominently featured in our dinner conversation. On Monday, Eva and I went for a run/bike ride during her lunch break. As always, it was good to get out and move around a bit. After she was finished with work, we watched “The Brother’s Grimm.” It looked like it might be too scary for me but I just held Eva’s hand tighter and made it through.
On Tuesday, I hung around the apartment in the morning and then went off to a little political event. Eva and I have been pretty into current events and we had heard that Barrack Obama was going to have a rally in Los Angeles. I got my little e-ticket and then cruised down to the Baldwin Hills to catch his afternoon address. I had never been to one of these rallies before and it was pretty interesting. It was a pretty diverse crowd, from the hippied out young white people to cute little old couples to young men and women in suits to normal looking everyday people. I liked what he had to say. He has actually taken stances on a number of issues and I tend to agree with his views on almost all of those key issues. They included getting out of Iraq, getting everyone covered with health insurance, increasing educational funding, looking at alternative fuels and addressing global warming. One provocative idea was that, currently, we are funding both sides of the war on terror. It will be interesting to see how the race for the White house shapes up over the next 2 years.
After the rally, I went down to Long Beach for my first flying lesson in about a month. The plan was for a night flight to Camarillo. It was a pretty night and the flight was pretty smooth. It still amuses me how much you use the freeways when flying. To get to Camarillo, we took the 405 to LAX, then kept flying north until we hit the 101, then we took the 101 to Camarillo. On the way back we flew over the Santa Monica Mountains to the coast, followed PCH back to LAX, and then the 405 back to Long Beach. The freeways just end up being really readily identifiable landmarks and easy navigation aids.
On Wednesday, Eva and I went out for another bike/run during lunch and then ended up watching “Who Killed the Electric Car?” at night. It was a very provocative movie and I would definitely recommend it for anyone who drives a car.
My dad came up on Thursday and he joined Eva and I on another bike/run. Our usual course starts at our apartment, goes through the neighborhood to Santa Monica Blvd, takes the dirt path along Santa Monica Blvd. to the fountain at Wilshire, and then returns to the apartment the same way. It is a good little run and is about 5 miles total. I usually ride my bike until the dirt path and then decide if I want to keep riding or if I am up for running the dirt part. It is some good bonding time for Eva and I. She has gotten into great shape and can totally carry on a conversation while running at a pretty good clip. I can maintain a conversation on the bike but generally need her to talk while I am running. Sometimes, they are quite the little political discussions as we go over the topics of the news hour, “Left, Right, and Center,” or “The McLaughlin Group.” She has come a long ways in her knowledge about American history and politics. Somehow the history has not enchanted her into getting excited about becoming an American citizen. Oh-well, I guess I will just have to keep working on her. Maybe I should make her say the Pledge of Allegiance when we get up in the morning. I am sure that would go over real well.
It was a supposed to rain on Thursday, and it was pretty cloudy, but after a dry run we threw caution to the wind and decided to go golfing. It started drizzling on our way over to the course and by the time we got there it was raining pretty steadily. We killed a half hour in the little diner and got ourselves a good afternoon snack/meal waiting for the rain to stop but no luck. We weren’t really that well prepared as we had left one umbrella in my dad’s car, the other umbrella in the apartment, and both of our jackets were far from waterproof. Who knew it actually rained in LA? We put on the inadequate clothes we had and decided that we would play until it was too miserable to continue. The course was the Los Feliz par 3 over by Griffith park. It was the golf course featured in “Swingers” which made it that much more exciting to play. The only other players on the course were a couple of seven year olds and their instructor. We decided to hop in front of them and played the 9 hole course starting at hole 3 and ending at hole 2. Both of our first shots were actually pretty good and we started out wondering if our rounds were going to be reminiscent of Caddy Shack. We agreed that, at the first lightning, we would call it, no matter how well we were doing. We played a decent round, we got a couple pars, some bogeys and a few double and triple bogeys. The triple bogeys were probably caused by the conditions of the course. I am sure it had nothing to do with our skill level. My dad summed it up pretty well when he said, “I am glad that we don’t do this so often that we would actually care about how well we played.” Amongst the rollers and shanks, there were moments of glory. Luckily the course was pretty much free of other golfers who might have inhibited our celebratory dances after key moments like 2 putting or just avoiding the trees. By the end we were pretty soaked but both of us thought it was well worth it.
After we got back and dried off a bit, we went out to dinner with Eva to a place called Orso, just a couple blocks away. It is still so cool to be able to walk to all these really nice restaurants. This place was pretty classy and complete with Hollywood wannabes and Beverly Hills monsters. If you do not know what a Beverly Hills Monster is, just ask Eva, and make sure that you have a few minutes.
Today I went for another flying lesson. We just cruised out to the practice area over the Long Beach Harbor, reviewed some maneuvers and did a little flying by instruments, and then practiced some landings. After the lesson, I went up to UCLA and had lunch with Mike, a friend from high school. After circling around Westwood a bit, we miraculously found a parking spot and, though we had seen some other restaurants during the search for a spot, decided to choose from the 3 that were right in front of us. We ended up going with a vegetarian place and had a really nice lunch. It is pretty amazing all the various meat substitutes they have these days. I was almost hoping that they had a little sampler platter so that I could compare and try to determine which ones were actually like the meat they claimed to emulate. Mike is a pretty hilarious guy and I had a pretty fun time hearing about the good and the frustrating aspects of being a PhD student. I told him that he still looks pretty normal for a math grad student and that if he ever wants to get anywhere that he should really think about dressing more eccentrically. We will see if he heads my advice.
As usual, I am still doing well. It has been nice taking a week off even though the chemo has remained mellow. I still feel normal. Looks like a busy couple weeks coming up with a few little adventures planned. I hope all of you are doing well and wish you all the best in whatever endeavors you are undertaking.
Take Care and Live Strong,
Tyler
Friday, February 23, 2007
Monday, February 19, 2007
2-17-2007 Weekend with Sony
Eva and I decided that, because there is so much hype around Valentine’s day and, since the day is fairly arbitrary (sure you can make the Hallmark argument that the 14th is the day of Saint Valentine but the whole holiday was sort of invented anyways), we would celebrate Valentine’s day on the 15th. OK, in actuality we are just cheap and did not want to spend $30 on a dozen sad looking roses. We had plans to go to LACMA and then out to dinner, but those sort of got derailed when an opportunity presented itself at the oncologist’s office. I went in for some blood work and, after I commented on how soft Sony’s coat was, Dr. Isacoff asked if I wanted to take him for the weekend. I immediately said yes as I knew how much Eva had wanted a dog when she was a kid and how much she loves Sony. After my blood was drawn, Dr. Isacoff and I went down to his car to gather Sony’s belongings. Sony does not travel light. We had a doggie bed, and two bags full of food, toys, and treats. I got some simple instructions, “1/3 of a can of dog food, twice a day, cut it up into Sony size bites, and microwave it for 11 seconds, he usually poops twice a day, morning and night, but he will let you know, treat him like a baby and you will have no problems” and off Sony and I went. He is so trusting, I really do not think he would mind if he was dog-napped.
When I got home I called Eva to make sure that she was going to come home for lunch and then Sony sort of explored the apartment and got used to his new surroundings. About an hour after I got home, Dr. Isacoff called to check in. “You two still alive?” he inquired. “Yup, no problem.” I replied trying to hide the insecurity in my voice. I was just beginning to realize that this really was like caring for a baby and that I basically had zero experience in that role. Adding to the intensity was that this was not just anyone’s dog, but my oncologist’s dog. He basically has my life in his hands and I would really like to stay on his good side.
A bit after 12, Eva came home and was greeted by a little furry bundle of joy. She was noticeably excited and began playing with Sony. About 10 minutes later, I got my “good to see you for lunch” kiss. I made sure that I had done the right thing by bringing Sony home, and she just nodded with a big smile on her face. We ate a little lunch and played with the dog some more and then, sadly, Eva had to go back to work.
Thursday evening, we took Sony on a walk to the grocery store and stocked up on food for ourselves. Eva and I always made fun of those people who are obsessed with their dogs, but it only took a few hours for our lives to be consumed by Sony. He became the focal point of a majority of our conversations and we were constantly watching or playing with him. Friday morning, Sony got us up at 5:30am and let us know that he needed to go outside. I threw a jacket on and took him out. I had not been up before the sun in quite a while and was a little surprised that it was still dark.
The energy of the dog itself was not the only thing adding to the excitement of having Sony around, our building does not allow pets. Every time we needed to go in or out of the building with Sony, it was like a little smuggling operation. In figuring out the best way to get him in and out, we tried backpacks, shopping bags, and finally my travel bag. That seemed t be the ticket as Sony actually really liked it in there and would occasionally go into it of his own accord when it was just lying around the apartment. This was a good bag for smuggling, as he totally fit inside and was fairly comfortable, but Sony did not really understand the idea of staying still or quiet during the little operations. He liked being in the bag but always wanted to have his head out so he could see where we were going. He didn’t ever bark while in the bag but he sort of has this grumble that sounds like he is snoring and that would sort of give away that there was something alive in the bag. We were doing really well until we went out for lunch on Friday. On the way back, our manager was walking into the building just in front of us. He held the door for Eva and though we were a little behind, we were almost sure he saw us. It has been a few days, and he has not said anything, so hopefully we are in the clear. We felt a little bad as he sort of helped us get our new apartment. Anyways, we decided we had better head down to San Pedro instead of smuggling Sony around all weekend.
When we got down to San Pedro, my parents were really excited to see Sony and Sony just loved all the attention. He even liked my dad who has not had a very good track record with canines. Probably the most hilarious aspect of the new setting was the combination of Sony with the wood floors. It did not look like Sony has had too much experience with such a slippery surface, as there were a few small crashes when Sony was getting used to the house. We had to make sure not to throw a toy too close to the dinning room table or the wall or you were just setting Sony up for a collision. After about a day, he sort of figured out the idea of slowing down before getting to within inches of the various obstacles.
Sony is an incredibly easy dog in a lot of ways but also a very attention needy dog as well. He is remarkably mellow and accepting of new people and adjusted to staying with us really well. Then again, it always seems that once you start doing something that does not include him, he gets restless. He also seems to like high places, which was a little interesting to me as he is quite a little dog. It probably is related to his curious nature as he is probably interested in what is on the table as well as what he can see from the higher vantage point.
Between just is cute little face, adorable antics, and wonderful personality, Sony melted our hearts in the short amount of time we got to spend with him. It was really fun taking him out on walks as well as playing with him around the house. Eva and I got a little taste of parenthood and would find ourselves getting anxious if we did not know exactly where he was. Of course there were not so fun times, too, like picking up poop at 5:30 in the morning, but overall, Sony was just great to have around and hopefully we will get to take care of him again sometime.
As far as me, I am doing well and am off of chemo for a short break. I will resume Xeloda next Thursday and resume chemo the week after. Having the dog around definitely got my mind off of the cancer and kept a smile on my face. On Saturday, I went on a longer bike ride with my father- once around the peninsula, 22 miles. Riding the bike is one of the only activities that I can do for an extended period of time and it felt really good to sweat a bit. I still feel basically normal and am very thankful for that. The window into parenthood that Sony provided was also something of a catalyst to keep focused on beating this disease and hopefully having the opportunity to be a parent one day.
-TN
When I got home I called Eva to make sure that she was going to come home for lunch and then Sony sort of explored the apartment and got used to his new surroundings. About an hour after I got home, Dr. Isacoff called to check in. “You two still alive?” he inquired. “Yup, no problem.” I replied trying to hide the insecurity in my voice. I was just beginning to realize that this really was like caring for a baby and that I basically had zero experience in that role. Adding to the intensity was that this was not just anyone’s dog, but my oncologist’s dog. He basically has my life in his hands and I would really like to stay on his good side.
A bit after 12, Eva came home and was greeted by a little furry bundle of joy. She was noticeably excited and began playing with Sony. About 10 minutes later, I got my “good to see you for lunch” kiss. I made sure that I had done the right thing by bringing Sony home, and she just nodded with a big smile on her face. We ate a little lunch and played with the dog some more and then, sadly, Eva had to go back to work.
Thursday evening, we took Sony on a walk to the grocery store and stocked up on food for ourselves. Eva and I always made fun of those people who are obsessed with their dogs, but it only took a few hours for our lives to be consumed by Sony. He became the focal point of a majority of our conversations and we were constantly watching or playing with him. Friday morning, Sony got us up at 5:30am and let us know that he needed to go outside. I threw a jacket on and took him out. I had not been up before the sun in quite a while and was a little surprised that it was still dark.
The energy of the dog itself was not the only thing adding to the excitement of having Sony around, our building does not allow pets. Every time we needed to go in or out of the building with Sony, it was like a little smuggling operation. In figuring out the best way to get him in and out, we tried backpacks, shopping bags, and finally my travel bag. That seemed t be the ticket as Sony actually really liked it in there and would occasionally go into it of his own accord when it was just lying around the apartment. This was a good bag for smuggling, as he totally fit inside and was fairly comfortable, but Sony did not really understand the idea of staying still or quiet during the little operations. He liked being in the bag but always wanted to have his head out so he could see where we were going. He didn’t ever bark while in the bag but he sort of has this grumble that sounds like he is snoring and that would sort of give away that there was something alive in the bag. We were doing really well until we went out for lunch on Friday. On the way back, our manager was walking into the building just in front of us. He held the door for Eva and though we were a little behind, we were almost sure he saw us. It has been a few days, and he has not said anything, so hopefully we are in the clear. We felt a little bad as he sort of helped us get our new apartment. Anyways, we decided we had better head down to San Pedro instead of smuggling Sony around all weekend.
When we got down to San Pedro, my parents were really excited to see Sony and Sony just loved all the attention. He even liked my dad who has not had a very good track record with canines. Probably the most hilarious aspect of the new setting was the combination of Sony with the wood floors. It did not look like Sony has had too much experience with such a slippery surface, as there were a few small crashes when Sony was getting used to the house. We had to make sure not to throw a toy too close to the dinning room table or the wall or you were just setting Sony up for a collision. After about a day, he sort of figured out the idea of slowing down before getting to within inches of the various obstacles.
Sony is an incredibly easy dog in a lot of ways but also a very attention needy dog as well. He is remarkably mellow and accepting of new people and adjusted to staying with us really well. Then again, it always seems that once you start doing something that does not include him, he gets restless. He also seems to like high places, which was a little interesting to me as he is quite a little dog. It probably is related to his curious nature as he is probably interested in what is on the table as well as what he can see from the higher vantage point.
Between just is cute little face, adorable antics, and wonderful personality, Sony melted our hearts in the short amount of time we got to spend with him. It was really fun taking him out on walks as well as playing with him around the house. Eva and I got a little taste of parenthood and would find ourselves getting anxious if we did not know exactly where he was. Of course there were not so fun times, too, like picking up poop at 5:30 in the morning, but overall, Sony was just great to have around and hopefully we will get to take care of him again sometime.
As far as me, I am doing well and am off of chemo for a short break. I will resume Xeloda next Thursday and resume chemo the week after. Having the dog around definitely got my mind off of the cancer and kept a smile on my face. On Saturday, I went on a longer bike ride with my father- once around the peninsula, 22 miles. Riding the bike is one of the only activities that I can do for an extended period of time and it felt really good to sweat a bit. I still feel basically normal and am very thankful for that. The window into parenthood that Sony provided was also something of a catalyst to keep focused on beating this disease and hopefully having the opportunity to be a parent one day.
-TN
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
Happy Valentine's Day
Happy Valentine's Day to you all. I hope that each and every one of you are as lucky as I am and have someone special to share it with. If not, I hear that they have some pretty wicked singles parties today so maybe that perfect someone is just a few drinks away.
I would have liked to have posted more over the last few weeks but between the various activities and just not feeling like writing, it has gone a bit by the wayside. Also, if I have not returned your call, I will try to shortly. Don't think that I am ignoring you.
Healthwise I am still feeling really well and handling the treatment really well. I had a scan on Jan 15 with some mixed results. The good news was that there were no new sites of metastases and that the metastases previously observed had not grown or changed (still a handful of small spots on the liver and a nodule at my lung base). The bad news was that the cyst had actually grown a bit. It had shrunk pretty significantly after the first scan on Oct 31, 2006 and is still much smaller than when it was characterized during diagnosis, but it seems that if it is now growing, that it is no longer responding to this particular chemo regimen. So, we have changed regimens. I am now on a drug called Mitomycin C along with Xeloda. The drug is a purple liquid that is given intravenously from a syringe that looks like a small turkey baster. The liquid really looks like purple gatorade. The chemo schedule has not really been established yet, but it looks like I will be getting this every other week. It has been quite a change of time commitment with this drug regimen versus the previous regimen. Before I would spend 4 hours on two consecutive days getting chemo in the office. Now I am in and out in less than an hour and only go in for one day. It is nice not having to be there so long but actually, I really enjoy the office and would almost always love chatting it up in the chemo lounge. It also makes me a little anxious to go from 5 drugs down to 2. If I had it my way, they would have just added this drug into the mix. The side effects are pretty minimal as I have not noticed anything particularly out of the ordinary. Eva has mentioned that my mood has changed a bit but that might have also been from being a bit bummed out about the scan. I don't know. I still feel healthy and have been holding onto the idea that if they did not tell me I was sick, I would not know.
As far as keeping busy, I did a bit of flying in January and passed the written test for my pilots licence. Then Eva and I headed over to Switzerland to see Eva's family. We spent a couple of weeks on the continent and it was really fun. Eva got to go shopping with her mother which some how started with some pant shopping for me (which I do not know how I survived). Let me tell you, pant shopping has become quite a humbling experience. I have actually dropped a few pounds but not really enough to make a significant difference in my waste size. I was a pretty good size guy before adding 20 pounds and now I am just a big boy. When the 36s were too tight, we went to the 38s, and then even a 40. Pretty depressing for a guy that used to get 34s so I could sag them down around my butt. Eva and her mother were relentless, too. It was like they were on a mission to find me some pants that fit well. They just kept coming back with more pants. I could not keep up with trying them all on. Then, Eva's mother had an epiphany, "Stretch pants are the answer." Eventually, we found a couple pairs of pants and the ordeal was over. For the rest of the afternoon, they let me hang out at the food court with my laptop while they sought out the deals they had been dreaming about. They made some pretty incredible scores, too. It seemed like everything Eva got was like 30 franks marked down from 300. What a cute little shopping duo.
Aside from shopping, we had a couple cultural outings but the primary reason for the trip was to spend time with Eva's family. We had a few really nice dinners with Eva's parents as well as George (the brother) and his girlfriend Susi. I do not know if it was the time change or the chemo or what, but Eva and I also slept more than we have in a long time while we were over there. We felt a little bad for missing breakfast most mornings, but it was really nice and rejuvenating to get some good quality sleep. We did do one little trip to the L'Alsce region of France. It is the fertile Rein land region that has traded hands between Germany and France probably a couple dozen times. There are a number of cute little towns in the middle of vast vineyards. We had a spectacular dinner at one of these little vineyards. The food and the ambiance were great until, as we were leaving, the cook started hanging off Eva a bit. A group of actors assured me that this was the French way and then we joined them for a bit of champagne and desserts. I did not like it much but was appeased by a couple jars of preserves. Yes, it was as random as it sounds.
Finally, I just want to pay a little tribute to my wonderful wife, without which I would almost certainly not be here right now. She is an incredible source of happiness and joy in my life and I could not imagine living without her. I am continually perplexed by how such a beautiful woman can also be so kind and loving and fun to be with. I could not have created a more perfect companion given an infinite amount of resources and time. Eva, I truly love you, you are the light of my life.
-Tyler
I would have liked to have posted more over the last few weeks but between the various activities and just not feeling like writing, it has gone a bit by the wayside. Also, if I have not returned your call, I will try to shortly. Don't think that I am ignoring you.
Healthwise I am still feeling really well and handling the treatment really well. I had a scan on Jan 15 with some mixed results. The good news was that there were no new sites of metastases and that the metastases previously observed had not grown or changed (still a handful of small spots on the liver and a nodule at my lung base). The bad news was that the cyst had actually grown a bit. It had shrunk pretty significantly after the first scan on Oct 31, 2006 and is still much smaller than when it was characterized during diagnosis, but it seems that if it is now growing, that it is no longer responding to this particular chemo regimen. So, we have changed regimens. I am now on a drug called Mitomycin C along with Xeloda. The drug is a purple liquid that is given intravenously from a syringe that looks like a small turkey baster. The liquid really looks like purple gatorade. The chemo schedule has not really been established yet, but it looks like I will be getting this every other week. It has been quite a change of time commitment with this drug regimen versus the previous regimen. Before I would spend 4 hours on two consecutive days getting chemo in the office. Now I am in and out in less than an hour and only go in for one day. It is nice not having to be there so long but actually, I really enjoy the office and would almost always love chatting it up in the chemo lounge. It also makes me a little anxious to go from 5 drugs down to 2. If I had it my way, they would have just added this drug into the mix. The side effects are pretty minimal as I have not noticed anything particularly out of the ordinary. Eva has mentioned that my mood has changed a bit but that might have also been from being a bit bummed out about the scan. I don't know. I still feel healthy and have been holding onto the idea that if they did not tell me I was sick, I would not know.
As far as keeping busy, I did a bit of flying in January and passed the written test for my pilots licence. Then Eva and I headed over to Switzerland to see Eva's family. We spent a couple of weeks on the continent and it was really fun. Eva got to go shopping with her mother which some how started with some pant shopping for me (which I do not know how I survived). Let me tell you, pant shopping has become quite a humbling experience. I have actually dropped a few pounds but not really enough to make a significant difference in my waste size. I was a pretty good size guy before adding 20 pounds and now I am just a big boy. When the 36s were too tight, we went to the 38s, and then even a 40. Pretty depressing for a guy that used to get 34s so I could sag them down around my butt. Eva and her mother were relentless, too. It was like they were on a mission to find me some pants that fit well. They just kept coming back with more pants. I could not keep up with trying them all on. Then, Eva's mother had an epiphany, "Stretch pants are the answer." Eventually, we found a couple pairs of pants and the ordeal was over. For the rest of the afternoon, they let me hang out at the food court with my laptop while they sought out the deals they had been dreaming about. They made some pretty incredible scores, too. It seemed like everything Eva got was like 30 franks marked down from 300. What a cute little shopping duo.
Aside from shopping, we had a couple cultural outings but the primary reason for the trip was to spend time with Eva's family. We had a few really nice dinners with Eva's parents as well as George (the brother) and his girlfriend Susi. I do not know if it was the time change or the chemo or what, but Eva and I also slept more than we have in a long time while we were over there. We felt a little bad for missing breakfast most mornings, but it was really nice and rejuvenating to get some good quality sleep. We did do one little trip to the L'Alsce region of France. It is the fertile Rein land region that has traded hands between Germany and France probably a couple dozen times. There are a number of cute little towns in the middle of vast vineyards. We had a spectacular dinner at one of these little vineyards. The food and the ambiance were great until, as we were leaving, the cook started hanging off Eva a bit. A group of actors assured me that this was the French way and then we joined them for a bit of champagne and desserts. I did not like it much but was appeased by a couple jars of preserves. Yes, it was as random as it sounds.
Finally, I just want to pay a little tribute to my wonderful wife, without which I would almost certainly not be here right now. She is an incredible source of happiness and joy in my life and I could not imagine living without her. I am continually perplexed by how such a beautiful woman can also be so kind and loving and fun to be with. I could not have created a more perfect companion given an infinite amount of resources and time. Eva, I truly love you, you are the light of my life.
-Tyler
Sunday, January 14, 2007
1-14-2007
Well the last few days have been a little relaxing and have allowed me a little time to recover. I think I was more tired from the weekend than I realized as I took long naps on Thursday and Friday. Of-course, my tiredness could have been chemo related but I would bet it was more of a culmination of everything that has been going on. Man, those naps felt good. When I eventually do get back to work, I would not be surprised if, occasionally, I took a few hours of PTO to enjoy a good nap.
My health is still pretty stable and I actually hit a bit of a milestone last weekend. January 5th marked 6 months since diagnosis. Again, there really are no statistics for 25 year old, "healthy," individuals with pancreatic cancer, but I have survived longer than what a lot of the horrible information on the internet was predicting. In a way, it is a bit exciting to be where I am right now. Some of my fellow patients, as well as myself, actually have the opportunity to perhaps be some of the first long term pancreatic cancer survivors. Hopefully the tide is turning a bit in what has, until recent years been a very one sided battle. For now, I try to stay focused on the immediate goals and just keep hoping for the cancer to respond to the chemo.
After my long wonderful nap on Thursday, Eva and I went to the King's game. We were joined by a childhood friend of mine, Jeff, and his girlfriend, Stacy, as well as Adam Shaffer and his girlfriend, Tran. It was Tran's first major sporting event and she seemed to be quite excited. Although I am not sure if she was more excited by the game or the nachos. What ever it was, there was a smile on her face. It was really good to catch up with Jeff and Adam as I had not seen either in a little while. Jeff was comparing this experience to the last game he went to where he got to sit right up against the glass (we were up in the nosebleeds, though it was a pretty good vantage point from which to watch the game). It certainly was not as exciting without the guys crashing into the glass right in front of you, but you could definately follow the game much better as the puck was actually visible a majority of the time from our perspective. Anyways, it was a pretty enjoyable game but the Kings ended up losing to the Sharks 5-2. Our goalie kept getting beat on his right side.
Friday and Saturday were spent mostly lounging around the apartment. Friday's highlight was a really nice lunch with Eva. On Saturday we took care of a few domestic things (laundry, mail, bills, etc.) and then met my parents for dinner followed by the theater. Eva picked out a nice little Vietnamese place right next to the theater and, in an effort to impress Richard and Joey, I had the Pho (uncooked meat thrown into the hot soup). It was pretty good although I never know exactly what to do with the extra stuff they bring (sprouts and liquorish leaves). Eva also picked the show and we saw "The Queen of Bingo" at a small theater just down the street from our apartment. It was a riot. Especially since Eva and my folks had actually played Bingo in Vegas last year. So many of the hilarious idiosyncrasies were captured by these two somewhat large men playing older women. At the intermission, the audience actually got to play a round of Bingo that was dubbed the Middle Bird Special and the winner actually took home a turkey. Now one of the major Fo-Pas in the bingo world is calling bingo when you don't actually have it, usually the result of some confusion or mix-up as to what game is being played or what card everyone is on. Our family almost suffered the embarrassment of a false call in Vegas when my dad was a card behind and called it once before my mother could rein him in and show him his mistake (luckily only a few people around us heard and the family name was saved). Needless to say, a bit of fear jostled me as my father once again called bingo during the middle bird special at the theater last night. Eva and I looked at each other and half grimaced and half smiled and just hoped that he actually had it, which he did. My father won the middle bird special to cap off an incredible day (he had scored and the team had won his soccer game earlier in the day). We enjoyed the second half of the show and then the priest/bingo caller delivered the prize. We were sort of expecting a game hen or something of that nature when he hands over a 19 pound turkey. We were a little shocked and that bird got pretty heavy on our walk home. Anyways, it was just a fun wonderful evening out and about.
Today, Eva and I kept it low key and just had a really nice day. It is amazing how much we have both grown to enjoy just spending time together. I still try to squeeze in quite a bit, but it is important to also slow down from time to time. I biked alongside Eva as she ran this morning and on the way back we stopped at the farmer's market along Santa Monica Blvd. We picked up a few of tastiest oranges I have ever had and then moved onto the strawberries and avocados. Eva put the brakes on when she almost bought a $3 tomato. Granted it was hydroponically grown, but that still seemed a little excessive. I know that Eva and I were really close before this whole thing but we have grown incredibly close over the last 6 months. It seems as if we are closer everyday and it is such a wonderful feeling. There really is very little I enjoy more than just spending time with her and being close to her. I wish each and everyone of you out there the kind of contentment, closeness, and happiness that I feel right now. Of-course there are rough times and sometimes she is so feisty that I can't handle her but those times are rare, and she has just been such a big part of me doing as well as I am doing.
-TN
My health is still pretty stable and I actually hit a bit of a milestone last weekend. January 5th marked 6 months since diagnosis. Again, there really are no statistics for 25 year old, "healthy," individuals with pancreatic cancer, but I have survived longer than what a lot of the horrible information on the internet was predicting. In a way, it is a bit exciting to be where I am right now. Some of my fellow patients, as well as myself, actually have the opportunity to perhaps be some of the first long term pancreatic cancer survivors. Hopefully the tide is turning a bit in what has, until recent years been a very one sided battle. For now, I try to stay focused on the immediate goals and just keep hoping for the cancer to respond to the chemo.
After my long wonderful nap on Thursday, Eva and I went to the King's game. We were joined by a childhood friend of mine, Jeff, and his girlfriend, Stacy, as well as Adam Shaffer and his girlfriend, Tran. It was Tran's first major sporting event and she seemed to be quite excited. Although I am not sure if she was more excited by the game or the nachos. What ever it was, there was a smile on her face. It was really good to catch up with Jeff and Adam as I had not seen either in a little while. Jeff was comparing this experience to the last game he went to where he got to sit right up against the glass (we were up in the nosebleeds, though it was a pretty good vantage point from which to watch the game). It certainly was not as exciting without the guys crashing into the glass right in front of you, but you could definately follow the game much better as the puck was actually visible a majority of the time from our perspective. Anyways, it was a pretty enjoyable game but the Kings ended up losing to the Sharks 5-2. Our goalie kept getting beat on his right side.
Friday and Saturday were spent mostly lounging around the apartment. Friday's highlight was a really nice lunch with Eva. On Saturday we took care of a few domestic things (laundry, mail, bills, etc.) and then met my parents for dinner followed by the theater. Eva picked out a nice little Vietnamese place right next to the theater and, in an effort to impress Richard and Joey, I had the Pho (uncooked meat thrown into the hot soup). It was pretty good although I never know exactly what to do with the extra stuff they bring (sprouts and liquorish leaves). Eva also picked the show and we saw "The Queen of Bingo" at a small theater just down the street from our apartment. It was a riot. Especially since Eva and my folks had actually played Bingo in Vegas last year. So many of the hilarious idiosyncrasies were captured by these two somewhat large men playing older women. At the intermission, the audience actually got to play a round of Bingo that was dubbed the Middle Bird Special and the winner actually took home a turkey. Now one of the major Fo-Pas in the bingo world is calling bingo when you don't actually have it, usually the result of some confusion or mix-up as to what game is being played or what card everyone is on. Our family almost suffered the embarrassment of a false call in Vegas when my dad was a card behind and called it once before my mother could rein him in and show him his mistake (luckily only a few people around us heard and the family name was saved). Needless to say, a bit of fear jostled me as my father once again called bingo during the middle bird special at the theater last night. Eva and I looked at each other and half grimaced and half smiled and just hoped that he actually had it, which he did. My father won the middle bird special to cap off an incredible day (he had scored and the team had won his soccer game earlier in the day). We enjoyed the second half of the show and then the priest/bingo caller delivered the prize. We were sort of expecting a game hen or something of that nature when he hands over a 19 pound turkey. We were a little shocked and that bird got pretty heavy on our walk home. Anyways, it was just a fun wonderful evening out and about.
Today, Eva and I kept it low key and just had a really nice day. It is amazing how much we have both grown to enjoy just spending time together. I still try to squeeze in quite a bit, but it is important to also slow down from time to time. I biked alongside Eva as she ran this morning and on the way back we stopped at the farmer's market along Santa Monica Blvd. We picked up a few of tastiest oranges I have ever had and then moved onto the strawberries and avocados. Eva put the brakes on when she almost bought a $3 tomato. Granted it was hydroponically grown, but that still seemed a little excessive. I know that Eva and I were really close before this whole thing but we have grown incredibly close over the last 6 months. It seems as if we are closer everyday and it is such a wonderful feeling. There really is very little I enjoy more than just spending time with her and being close to her. I wish each and everyone of you out there the kind of contentment, closeness, and happiness that I feel right now. Of-course there are rough times and sometimes she is so feisty that I can't handle her but those times are rare, and she has just been such a big part of me doing as well as I am doing.
-TN
Friday, January 12, 2007
1-12-2007 Back on the Blog
As a reflection of the past 6 months, the last month has certainly been filled with highs and lows and I have just been trying to hang on, enjoy, and get through it the best I can. Again, it has been tough losing my grandmother. We were so close. I continue catching myself about to make a call to her place just to check in and let her know what I am up to. Thank you all so much for your warm words, thoughts, and prayers. She really was an amazing woman and hopefully she can help me through my current struggle.
My health has been pretty steady over the last month. Just minor ups and downs. I still get the usual excess siliva and lemony/metallic taste in my mouth for the few days after a full round of chemo. I am pretty tired on my chemo days but otherwise my energy level has been pretty good. I have been staying pretty active and have been managing to fill the days. My inner plumbing is working as well as I could hope for though I am still a little gassy from time to time. Dr. Isacoff has slowly reduced my steroid level so that now I am down to 5mg a day (when I started, I was on 60mg). Actually, this is my week off of Xeloda, so I am only taking 2 pills/day here for the next few days (pretty exciting change from the 7 pills a day I was taking last week). I am still injecting myself with Lovenox twice a day and will probably have to continue with that for another month or two. I have had a couple small sores in my mouth but as long as I am careful while brushing, they usually resolve themselves in a week or so. My weight has been steady at a hefty 190lbs. and I am actually trying to drop about 10-20 to get back to my pre-cancer weight. I sort of overshot that mark during the high calorie craze. Otherwise, everything has been fairly normal. I know I am just repeating myself, but it is still very trippy to feel so normal with such a horrible disease. I guess that is just the insidious nature of pancreatic cancer. That it can grow unnoticed for quite a while until it is too late to do anything about.
As far as my activities have been going, I have tried to stay true to form and run Eva as ragged as possible. Though she keeps up much better now that I am a little more tired and quite out of shape. After my Grandma passed, the family kept our trip to Vegas (we figured that Gram would have wanted us to go) and then on the way back Eva and I hit Palm Springs for a few days (thanks to the generosity of the Sanders for letting us stay at their wonderful condo). I have been over to Catalina 3 times in the last month with various friends and actually went SCUBA diving with a buddy about a week before Christmas. It felt good to get under water (it had been a couple years) and we saw some pretty cool stuff - A number of sand bass, some calicos, and 7-8 lobsters. I have also resumed flying lessons and am about halfway to my private pilot licence. Two weeks ago, my buddy Tom Allen came down and we took a little tour of LA with my instructor. We flew from Long Beach, up over LAX, to UCLA, then along the mountains over to the Rose Bowl and Dodger stadium and then back down to Long Beach. I cannot wait to go on little trips with Eva.
I had a really nice Christmas with Eva, my parents, and the rest of the local family. We had a really wonderful dinner at my Grandmother's place and it was just a good way to sort of remember her and get the family together. She always loved it when everyone got together. We did a bit of the division of stuff amongst the grand kids and I was pretty stoked to have gotten her M&M jar. As far back as I can remember, she always had this jar and it was always filled with M&Ms. I think it was how she won over the grand kids at an early age. After dinner at Gram's, Eva, my parents, and I went to church and then back to San Pedro. We got up on Christmas morning and had a wonderful breakfast and really got to spend some good quality time together (though, these days, we try to make all the time we spend together, good quality time). My spending habits have changed a bit since diagnosis, so we sort of went big on Christmas this year. Just trying to do our part to keep that economy rolling. Eva gave my parents Cranium and we had blast playing it in the evening. Between me humming "Billie Jean," Eva sculpting a bikini out of clay, and my father acting out a volcano, it was quite a scene. I have to give props to my mom for figuring out what my father was doing half the time. All in all, it was a really wonderful holiday. On the 26th and 27th I was back in for another full round of chemo.
Last weekend, Eva and I took a little trip back up to Park City for a little winter getaway. We stayed at my oncologist's condo again (an incredible place) and it was quite a good time. Ran into a bit of a snowstorm on the way up to Park City and again on Saturday which made the snow great and certainly added a bit of excitement. The Camry we rented did surprisingly well in the snow though once we got it into the garage we did not dare to take it out again until the roads were clear. Luckily there are free buses in town. We boarded at Park City on Friday and Saturday and then skied on Sunday at Deer Valley. Both mountains were awesome. Lots of different terrain, long runs, and great snow. We were hoping Dr. Isacoff would have made it up over the weekend but he had some other things to take care of. Though we missed his company, passing on a few extravagant meals allowed us to divert our funds for the lift tickets which they were certainly not just giving away. Saturday got a little intense on the slopes as a wicked wind blew in and the temperature dropped to -5 F (not counting the wind chill). Eva and I were well prepared and made it off the mountain with no problems. The lift operators got a kick out of seeing people stumbling around in the wind on the top of the mountain. The storm blew through and Sunday was incredible. Blue sky, temps in the 20s and just a spectacular day. Deer Valley is only open to skiers which was a neat experience. It was good to get all those punk kids on their boards out of the picture. Eva basically worked me on the slopes but we were both surprised at how well I kept up. I would need to take breaks, especially on the longer runs, but generally she would not have to wait too long at the bottom of the hill. What a wonderful weekend.
Once we got back, I went in for another full round of chemo (Tuesday and Wednesday) and then went flying yesterday. Just trying to get those landings dialed in. I can get the plane on the ground with no problems but now we want to just set her down as if I were landing on butter.
I hope everything is going well in all of your lives. I continue to be bad about returning emails or calls for which I am sorry. Just know that I truly appreciate all the love and support I have received throughout this whole journey. I was especially touched by the kind words that were said about my Grandmother.
Take Care and Live Strong,
Tyler
My health has been pretty steady over the last month. Just minor ups and downs. I still get the usual excess siliva and lemony/metallic taste in my mouth for the few days after a full round of chemo. I am pretty tired on my chemo days but otherwise my energy level has been pretty good. I have been staying pretty active and have been managing to fill the days. My inner plumbing is working as well as I could hope for though I am still a little gassy from time to time. Dr. Isacoff has slowly reduced my steroid level so that now I am down to 5mg a day (when I started, I was on 60mg). Actually, this is my week off of Xeloda, so I am only taking 2 pills/day here for the next few days (pretty exciting change from the 7 pills a day I was taking last week). I am still injecting myself with Lovenox twice a day and will probably have to continue with that for another month or two. I have had a couple small sores in my mouth but as long as I am careful while brushing, they usually resolve themselves in a week or so. My weight has been steady at a hefty 190lbs. and I am actually trying to drop about 10-20 to get back to my pre-cancer weight. I sort of overshot that mark during the high calorie craze. Otherwise, everything has been fairly normal. I know I am just repeating myself, but it is still very trippy to feel so normal with such a horrible disease. I guess that is just the insidious nature of pancreatic cancer. That it can grow unnoticed for quite a while until it is too late to do anything about.
As far as my activities have been going, I have tried to stay true to form and run Eva as ragged as possible. Though she keeps up much better now that I am a little more tired and quite out of shape. After my Grandma passed, the family kept our trip to Vegas (we figured that Gram would have wanted us to go) and then on the way back Eva and I hit Palm Springs for a few days (thanks to the generosity of the Sanders for letting us stay at their wonderful condo). I have been over to Catalina 3 times in the last month with various friends and actually went SCUBA diving with a buddy about a week before Christmas. It felt good to get under water (it had been a couple years) and we saw some pretty cool stuff - A number of sand bass, some calicos, and 7-8 lobsters. I have also resumed flying lessons and am about halfway to my private pilot licence. Two weeks ago, my buddy Tom Allen came down and we took a little tour of LA with my instructor. We flew from Long Beach, up over LAX, to UCLA, then along the mountains over to the Rose Bowl and Dodger stadium and then back down to Long Beach. I cannot wait to go on little trips with Eva.
I had a really nice Christmas with Eva, my parents, and the rest of the local family. We had a really wonderful dinner at my Grandmother's place and it was just a good way to sort of remember her and get the family together. She always loved it when everyone got together. We did a bit of the division of stuff amongst the grand kids and I was pretty stoked to have gotten her M&M jar. As far back as I can remember, she always had this jar and it was always filled with M&Ms. I think it was how she won over the grand kids at an early age. After dinner at Gram's, Eva, my parents, and I went to church and then back to San Pedro. We got up on Christmas morning and had a wonderful breakfast and really got to spend some good quality time together (though, these days, we try to make all the time we spend together, good quality time). My spending habits have changed a bit since diagnosis, so we sort of went big on Christmas this year. Just trying to do our part to keep that economy rolling. Eva gave my parents Cranium and we had blast playing it in the evening. Between me humming "Billie Jean," Eva sculpting a bikini out of clay, and my father acting out a volcano, it was quite a scene. I have to give props to my mom for figuring out what my father was doing half the time. All in all, it was a really wonderful holiday. On the 26th and 27th I was back in for another full round of chemo.
Last weekend, Eva and I took a little trip back up to Park City for a little winter getaway. We stayed at my oncologist's condo again (an incredible place) and it was quite a good time. Ran into a bit of a snowstorm on the way up to Park City and again on Saturday which made the snow great and certainly added a bit of excitement. The Camry we rented did surprisingly well in the snow though once we got it into the garage we did not dare to take it out again until the roads were clear. Luckily there are free buses in town. We boarded at Park City on Friday and Saturday and then skied on Sunday at Deer Valley. Both mountains were awesome. Lots of different terrain, long runs, and great snow. We were hoping Dr. Isacoff would have made it up over the weekend but he had some other things to take care of. Though we missed his company, passing on a few extravagant meals allowed us to divert our funds for the lift tickets which they were certainly not just giving away. Saturday got a little intense on the slopes as a wicked wind blew in and the temperature dropped to -5 F (not counting the wind chill). Eva and I were well prepared and made it off the mountain with no problems. The lift operators got a kick out of seeing people stumbling around in the wind on the top of the mountain. The storm blew through and Sunday was incredible. Blue sky, temps in the 20s and just a spectacular day. Deer Valley is only open to skiers which was a neat experience. It was good to get all those punk kids on their boards out of the picture. Eva basically worked me on the slopes but we were both surprised at how well I kept up. I would need to take breaks, especially on the longer runs, but generally she would not have to wait too long at the bottom of the hill. What a wonderful weekend.
Once we got back, I went in for another full round of chemo (Tuesday and Wednesday) and then went flying yesterday. Just trying to get those landings dialed in. I can get the plane on the ground with no problems but now we want to just set her down as if I were landing on butter.
I hope everything is going well in all of your lives. I continue to be bad about returning emails or calls for which I am sorry. Just know that I truly appreciate all the love and support I have received throughout this whole journey. I was especially touched by the kind words that were said about my Grandmother.
Take Care and Live Strong,
Tyler
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
Remebering my Grandmother
Last Saturday night my Grandmother passed away. Anyone who really knows me, knows how much my Grandmother meant to me and what a big part of my life she was. I had a really special relationship with my Grandmother and I only hope that others can experience a bond like that in their lives. Needless to say it has been a pretty tough time recently and like anyone who loses someone close, all I really want is just a little more time with her. I guess now she is always with me, but our relationship was so interactive. I do not know what I will do not being pummeled with questions, being offered every item she has in her fridge, or having kind suggestions mentioned over and over again (no, you aren't nagging Gram, just suggesting).
She was an incredible woman. Sharp as a tack right up until the end. One of the hardest things that I have been dealing with was that she was doing so well recently that her passing was really quite sudden. I guess I have these grandchild fantasies but I really thought she had another 5, 10, maybe 15 years in her. She had lead a wonderfully rich life, full of love, and in a lot of respects and it almost seemed as if she had sort of just chosen her time to go. The last few months have really been an exciting time for her as she attended both of my weddings, got to see all of her boys at the second wedding, meet Eva's parents, brother, and brother's girlfriend, we had just had a really pleasant Thanksgiving with the girls, she had been dropped in on by her nephew Rick a couple weeks ago, visited by her Granddaughter Lora a week ago, not to mention visits by her boyfriend Harry as well as her other Leisure World friends. It was almost as if she had sort of seen everyone she wanted to see and it was just a good time to go. She was just at peace with the world.
This was the crew from the first wedding. One good description of my Grandmother, which I think is captured pretty well in this photo, would be that she was the biggest little woman I knew.
Here we all are at Thanksgiving. There are a few "funny" photos with the same group, but I think that there might be some sort of family privilege to see my Grandmother with her tongue sticking out.
This was taken a few years ago when we were all up in Portland for Thanksgiving. She was always so happy when her boys were together.
Her spirit and vigor certainly made her larger than life in my mind. She was just so curious about the world and if there was one way to describe my Grandmother, it would be engaging. She could really have a conversation with anyone and was always asking questions. She always had to know the business. Her mind would just move so fast and often she would be onto the next question before you had finished answering the last. Her memory was pretty amazing as well. She kept birthdays in her head and would continue conversations with my buddies that might have been started 2 months earlier.
Her home was always open to anyone and the love there was ever present. I would always just bring buddies over as we were on our way surfing or if I needed a shower and between the M&Ms and my grandmother's disposition, they always had a good time. I think I would be hesitant to be left alone with a 93 year old as her grandchild went off and showered, but somehow she always made my friends feel comfortable.
She passed in a remarkably peaceful fashion. About a week and a half ago, she had fallen in her house and had bruised her ribs just a bit. She had been having a little trouble breathing but was doing really well. Still moving around her house, eating fine, and just doing her usual thing. On Saturday morning, she was having a little more trouble breathing, my dad came over, and called the 24 hour nurse. They set her up on Oxygen and got her situated in her chair and just tried to make her as comfortable as possible. Just to show how together she was right up to the end, when my father got back from playing his soccer game sort of mid-day on Saturday, the first three questions out of my Grandmother's mouth were 1. Did you score? 2. Did you guys win? 3. Was Larry Geiss there (my Grandmothers eye doctor)? My parents stayed with her most of the day, my father shared some soup with her, and when they left for my father's soccer team party she was just sleeping there in her chair. He gave her a kiss on the forehead, told her he loved her, and was off. About 10 minutes later, Anna, a wonderful woman who has been helping my and staying with my Grandmother recently, called and had said she just stopped breathing. She went as I would imagine she would have like to go, just sleeping in her chair. No pain, no suffering. One of her greatest fears was losing her marbles and she never did. She dreaded nursing homes and really was just very lucky to go out on her terms.
On Sunday, Eva and I went down and spent time with my folks in San Pedro. We all eventually made our way over to my Grandmother's house to just take care of a few things. It was pretty hard being in her house with out her. I just kept wanted to be asked about how things are going or be updated on the family business. It just was not the same without her. We decided to go for a little dinner and ended up at one of her favorite places, Hoff's Hut. About 2 weeks ago, my father had taken my Grandma and Harry out to Hoff's and wouldn't you know, they sat us at the exact same table. My Grandma loved hot fudge sundaes so my father ordered one for dinner and we all helped out.
I would just like to say thanks to everyone who has made my Grandmother's life so wonderful over the years. Each and everyone of you who touched her life is a really special person and I truly appreciate the love that you all so generously shared with my Grandmother. She was a wonderful role model for me growing up and I can only hope to reflect the spirit, vitality, courage, fiestyness, sharpness, curiosity, genuine interest in others, love, and hope she possessed, in my life. I know that she will be looking down on each and everyone of you that she loved and will be helping you with what ever obstacles that are in front of you. I know that she will be helping me in my current struggle.
If there were some last words I would like to have said to my Grandmother before she passed, they would have been the same as the words I left her with on Thanksgiving night, "Ohh Gram, I just love you so much."
-TN
She was an incredible woman. Sharp as a tack right up until the end. One of the hardest things that I have been dealing with was that she was doing so well recently that her passing was really quite sudden. I guess I have these grandchild fantasies but I really thought she had another 5, 10, maybe 15 years in her. She had lead a wonderfully rich life, full of love, and in a lot of respects and it almost seemed as if she had sort of just chosen her time to go. The last few months have really been an exciting time for her as she attended both of my weddings, got to see all of her boys at the second wedding, meet Eva's parents, brother, and brother's girlfriend, we had just had a really pleasant Thanksgiving with the girls, she had been dropped in on by her nephew Rick a couple weeks ago, visited by her Granddaughter Lora a week ago, not to mention visits by her boyfriend Harry as well as her other Leisure World friends. It was almost as if she had sort of seen everyone she wanted to see and it was just a good time to go. She was just at peace with the world.
This was the crew from the first wedding. One good description of my Grandmother, which I think is captured pretty well in this photo, would be that she was the biggest little woman I knew.
Here we all are at Thanksgiving. There are a few "funny" photos with the same group, but I think that there might be some sort of family privilege to see my Grandmother with her tongue sticking out.This was taken a few years ago when we were all up in Portland for Thanksgiving. She was always so happy when her boys were together.
Her spirit and vigor certainly made her larger than life in my mind. She was just so curious about the world and if there was one way to describe my Grandmother, it would be engaging. She could really have a conversation with anyone and was always asking questions. She always had to know the business. Her mind would just move so fast and often she would be onto the next question before you had finished answering the last. Her memory was pretty amazing as well. She kept birthdays in her head and would continue conversations with my buddies that might have been started 2 months earlier.Her home was always open to anyone and the love there was ever present. I would always just bring buddies over as we were on our way surfing or if I needed a shower and between the M&Ms and my grandmother's disposition, they always had a good time. I think I would be hesitant to be left alone with a 93 year old as her grandchild went off and showered, but somehow she always made my friends feel comfortable.
She passed in a remarkably peaceful fashion. About a week and a half ago, she had fallen in her house and had bruised her ribs just a bit. She had been having a little trouble breathing but was doing really well. Still moving around her house, eating fine, and just doing her usual thing. On Saturday morning, she was having a little more trouble breathing, my dad came over, and called the 24 hour nurse. They set her up on Oxygen and got her situated in her chair and just tried to make her as comfortable as possible. Just to show how together she was right up to the end, when my father got back from playing his soccer game sort of mid-day on Saturday, the first three questions out of my Grandmother's mouth were 1. Did you score? 2. Did you guys win? 3. Was Larry Geiss there (my Grandmothers eye doctor)? My parents stayed with her most of the day, my father shared some soup with her, and when they left for my father's soccer team party she was just sleeping there in her chair. He gave her a kiss on the forehead, told her he loved her, and was off. About 10 minutes later, Anna, a wonderful woman who has been helping my and staying with my Grandmother recently, called and had said she just stopped breathing. She went as I would imagine she would have like to go, just sleeping in her chair. No pain, no suffering. One of her greatest fears was losing her marbles and she never did. She dreaded nursing homes and really was just very lucky to go out on her terms.
On Sunday, Eva and I went down and spent time with my folks in San Pedro. We all eventually made our way over to my Grandmother's house to just take care of a few things. It was pretty hard being in her house with out her. I just kept wanted to be asked about how things are going or be updated on the family business. It just was not the same without her. We decided to go for a little dinner and ended up at one of her favorite places, Hoff's Hut. About 2 weeks ago, my father had taken my Grandma and Harry out to Hoff's and wouldn't you know, they sat us at the exact same table. My Grandma loved hot fudge sundaes so my father ordered one for dinner and we all helped out.
I would just like to say thanks to everyone who has made my Grandmother's life so wonderful over the years. Each and everyone of you who touched her life is a really special person and I truly appreciate the love that you all so generously shared with my Grandmother. She was a wonderful role model for me growing up and I can only hope to reflect the spirit, vitality, courage, fiestyness, sharpness, curiosity, genuine interest in others, love, and hope she possessed, in my life. I know that she will be looking down on each and everyone of you that she loved and will be helping you with what ever obstacles that are in front of you. I know that she will be helping me in my current struggle.
If there were some last words I would like to have said to my Grandmother before she passed, they would have been the same as the words I left her with on Thanksgiving night, "Ohh Gram, I just love you so much."
-TN
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
11-17-2006 through 12-05-2006 Health overview (uneventful)
Well, I have been neglecting the blog recently mostly because everything has been going pretty well and Eva and I have been trying to squeeze it all in as usual. As far as my health, things are still going very smoothly. I did not get anything on Monday the 20th (it would have only been Erbitux) because the rash was still very prevalent. I started Xeloda on Thursday the 23rd and on the 27th and 28th I got a full round of Gemzar, Irrinotecan, Cisplatin, and Erbitux. I had the usual bloating and weight gain and loss but the infusion was pretty mellow. I chatted it up with a couple of nice patients and it really is just like a little social club in some ways. I guess I have been a little tired these days but I think it is more related to our level of activity than the effects of the chemo.
I have noticed that my skin has been as soft as it ever has in my life. Eva has heard about this but it was a bit of a pleasant surprise for me. I think my leg hair is also getting a little thin and it is just a little trippy touching my leg and having it be rather smooth and enticing. Hmmm, I guess the physical effects are not all bad for Eva. Also along the same lines, Eva has noticed that I have considerably less armpit hair than before. It is just a little interesting what stays and what goes. I am wondering what I would look like without eyebrows (something that Eva fears).
Otherwise, I have had some slight nausea but my appetite is still going strong and I certainly have no problem packing it away. I have been trying to eat healthier but am still gaining (luckily I am gaining more slowly than before) and am pretty much over the 185lb mark and knocking on 190's door. The rash has come and gone over the last 2 weeks and was pretty intense at times. At one point I was pretty sure that if I flexed my pecks hard enough, zits would just start popping all over the place (I did not actually carry this out). On the blood clot front, I am still wearing the stocking and injecting myself twice a day. All in all, I feel pretty good. I repeatedly mention to the chemo nurse "If you guys didn't tell me I was sick, I wouldn't know." I guess that if you have to be sick this is probably the best way to be sick.
I went in for my infusion today (just Erbitux) and it went well. Just an hour or so but Eva and I enjoy the office so we end up hanging around a bit. My counts were pretty good - whites were high-normal, reds were just below the normal range, and my platelets were at 450K (just above normal). The infusion days where I only get Erbitux are pretty mellow. I still got my benadryl so Eva had a docile guy on her hands post infusion. I think she prefers me in a semi-doped up state. She says I mouth off a whole lot less. I don't think I ever mouth off, I am just following the example of my father and "being clever."
I will try to get some of the happenings from the last few weeks down with some photos shortly.
-TN
I have noticed that my skin has been as soft as it ever has in my life. Eva has heard about this but it was a bit of a pleasant surprise for me. I think my leg hair is also getting a little thin and it is just a little trippy touching my leg and having it be rather smooth and enticing. Hmmm, I guess the physical effects are not all bad for Eva. Also along the same lines, Eva has noticed that I have considerably less armpit hair than before. It is just a little interesting what stays and what goes. I am wondering what I would look like without eyebrows (something that Eva fears).
Otherwise, I have had some slight nausea but my appetite is still going strong and I certainly have no problem packing it away. I have been trying to eat healthier but am still gaining (luckily I am gaining more slowly than before) and am pretty much over the 185lb mark and knocking on 190's door. The rash has come and gone over the last 2 weeks and was pretty intense at times. At one point I was pretty sure that if I flexed my pecks hard enough, zits would just start popping all over the place (I did not actually carry this out). On the blood clot front, I am still wearing the stocking and injecting myself twice a day. All in all, I feel pretty good. I repeatedly mention to the chemo nurse "If you guys didn't tell me I was sick, I wouldn't know." I guess that if you have to be sick this is probably the best way to be sick.
I went in for my infusion today (just Erbitux) and it went well. Just an hour or so but Eva and I enjoy the office so we end up hanging around a bit. My counts were pretty good - whites were high-normal, reds were just below the normal range, and my platelets were at 450K (just above normal). The infusion days where I only get Erbitux are pretty mellow. I still got my benadryl so Eva had a docile guy on her hands post infusion. I think she prefers me in a semi-doped up state. She says I mouth off a whole lot less. I don't think I ever mouth off, I am just following the example of my father and "being clever."
I will try to get some of the happenings from the last few weeks down with some photos shortly.
-TN
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