I had written this but had not gotten around to posting it as I was going to add photos. I will include some photos with the next post which should bring everything up to date.
On Sunday, Eva and I took it pretty easy and enjoyed a nice long breakfast. Eventually, we got out on a run/ride and this time we went out prepared to hop on the links if it was not too crowded. I felt a little funny riding my bike with a small bag of 4 clubs on my back but I am pretty used to looking funny these days. Again, I was amazed at how few people there were actually playing the course. There were a lot of other people enjoying the course though and between the picnickers and the kids running around, those skinny fairways were even thinner. Eva and I would take turns playing goalie/ guard and stand in front of picnickers just in case there was an errant shot. Some of these park goers were pretty ballsy. There was a group of four elderly people playing cards just off the fringe of the 8th hole. I wasn’t not sure which would do more damage if I hit a bit long; my ball or the surprise that a loud “Four!!!” might invoke. I did not want to give anyone a heart attack but upon closer inspection, it looked as if this group were regulars on Sunday and were probably aware of the risks associated with their favorite little card playing spot. Somehow, Eva and I managed to get through the course without injuring anyone or causing any property damage. The little stream was actually turned on and it really added to the cute little park. The real water also upped the difficulty of the course because the extra bounce we would occasionally get off the dry concrete creek bed was taken out of play. It was a nice, long, lazy afternoon at Holmby and we rewarded ourselves with some ice cream after we finished our round. We slowly made the trek back to the apartment and finished off the day with a bit of dinner and a mindless action movie.
Monday morning I went in for a full round and it felt good to get back into the office. My counts were pretty decent – midrange on the whites, a bit low on the reds, and 371K for the platelets. So far, living spleenless has been working out pretty well as I have not had to skip an infusion for lack of platelets since it was removed. If you know anyone who might be in a similar situation to what I was in, you might want to mention that option to them. Hopefully, I am the only person you know in this situation but they say that over our lives 1 in 3 of us will get some form of cancer. Sony was absent from the office and was missed though we got to see the doctor for a bit. An older woman joined me in the lounge and was fairly pleasant, though I sort of got the impression she was short a few marbles. I think the mental burden of the cancer had taken a toll on her over her journey. Eva was really wonderful and maintained a nice little conversation when she noticed that I had heard about enough. I have become very intolerant of negativity and complaining and have sort of lost the patience to deal with it in some situations these days. At one point, the woman said that she wished that they would just tell her exactly how long she had so she could just figure things out. To me, that seems like the first step towards a self-fulfilling prophecy. As hard as uncertainty is to deal with, I prefer to keep the idea of beating this on the table and at the center of my thoughts and focus. I guess she was just in a different place than me but I still wish her the best and hope that she stays in the fight.
Eva got a treat after the infusion as I had received the premeds, which put me into “docile husband” mode. We decided to check out The Hoax, which was particularly interesting to me hearing some of the stories around the lab of the old Hughes days. Once we got home, we just hung out and veged.
Tuesday was my Dad’s day off so I made my way down to San Pedro and we took the boat out. Eva needed the car so I had to resort to public transportation to get down there. Amazingly, there is a bus that picks up about 3 blocks from our apartment and ends less than a mile from my parent’s house, all for $2.25. It did take an extra 45 minutes but it was air-conditioned and I just played on my computer through the trip, which was nice. Anyways, the folks picked me up from the bus stop with the boat and we went ahead and launched at Cabrillo. It was a beautiful day on the water and we made our way over to Long Beach to grab lunch at McKinna’s on the bay. Tiana and her mother, Nancy, joined us for a really wonderful meal. Nancy was impressed with how much hair I had which made me feel pretty good. I am fine with being bald, but it is nice to resemble normal people. I almost have enough for it to get messed up, sweet. I was supposed to go flying later in the day but I was pretty tired from the little boat ride and the chemo the day before. I made my way back up to the apartment and was happy to stumble to the couch and wait for my wife to return from work.
Wednesday and Thursday were pretty uneventful though Eva and I did play a round at Holmby on Wednesday evening. The highlight was a birdie that I chipped in from about 10 yards (yes my tee off shot did only go about 75% of the way on a 40 yard hole, it would have been embarrassing if not for the incredible second shot to finish off the hole). I did a subdued Happy Gilmore “riding the bull” dance, hugged my wife, gathered myself, and then we went on to the next hole. On Thursday evening we did the usual run/ride to the fountain and I actually ran a small portion of it. I sort of feel like I am holding myself back, but now that I am back on Taxotere (the likely culprit for some lung fibrosis early in my journey), I really pay attention to my breathing and try to keep it under control. Otherwise, Eva and I have been taking it pretty easy. We are hoping to make it over to Catalina this weekend. It seemed like a great idea earlier in the week when it was really hot. If it is a bit cold, we will just cuddle together for warmth. This will be the first time that we have camped in a while. Hopefully we have not gotten soft from all the plush accommodations.
-TN
Friday, May 11, 2007
Sunday, May 06, 2007
4-30-2007 through 5-5-2007
Early last week I mostly just hung around the apartment and tried to take care of a few minor things. I have been reading a bit these days and Eva and I have been enjoying the West Hollywood Library just up the street from us. Unfortunately, days filled with educating myself do not make for very exciting blog entries. I suppose I’ll just skip ahead to the highlights, but first, a brief health update.
Everything is just moving along as normal as things get these days. I have had a few chemo sessions since the last scan and a full round last Monday. That was the first full round in a while and it was nice to hang around the office for more than a half hour or so. Eva and I are still getting a feel for the new regimen but even after about three months, what I get and when I get it still seems fairly fluid. I suppose I should request that Dr. Isacoff would just lay out the schedule for me, but I would rather spend the brief interactions kidding about various life happenings than worrying about the exact day I get the next bit of poison. I keep rough tabs on what I am getting and speak up when I think I am due for more (though I keep quiet when it might be a bit early). The best I can figure is that I get Mitomycin C every 4 to 6 weeks. I get Taxotere, Epirubicin, and Erbitux about every 2 to 3 weeks, though not in the same week as Mitomycin C. I will also get other doses of Erbitux on the in between weeks. I am still doing 2 weeks of Xeloda throughout all this which is just a couple of pills that I take in the morning and at night. This regimen is harder and easier in different ways. I still think I should be getting much more chemo, especially after the scan in January and the slight increase of the cyst but I cannot argue with the stability that was seen in the April scan. Though I do enjoy spending time in the office, the old GFLIP regimen was pretty time intensive and did take quite a toll on me. I would spend about 4 hours one day getting Gemzar, Irrenotecan, and Erbitux one day and then come back the next day for about 5 hours of hydration and Cisplatin. Then I would go home, sit on the couch like a blob and receive loving comments from my wife like, “My, you look like the cutest little bloated squirrel I have ever seen. Are your cheeks really that big or are you just carrying around a jar of nuts in case you get hungry?” Anyways, I am still just plugging away. I take what they give me and so far it has worked pretty well. I do think that my mood is affected some days, though not severely, and I also do not feel like myself, physically, some days, but that is to be expected. I am not sure if it was the chemo or the heat but the first few days of this week have been pretty draining. Maybe I should go back to work just for the air conditioning. I do not know how productive I would be but I think I would be more comfortable.
Again, like I said, the beginning of last week was not all that exciting. Just a brief environmental plug... I switched out all of the light bulbs in our apartment for fluorescent bulbs and would recommend for everyone out there to do the same. They are supposed to last for like 8 years, sounds like another challenge for me. Can I outlive my lightbulbs? The gauntlet has been laid down. This will be a bigger challenge than outliving my credit card’s expiration dates or making it to my next birthday (check, oh-yeah!). We will see how I do.
On Wednesday evening, Eva and I met Adam and Tran at Holmby and played a bit of golf. It was Tran’s first time playing golf and she did really well for the amount of effort she put into it. Once she got onto the greens, golf sort of morphed into hockey and she just sort of guided the ball into the hole. Luckily we play double par as max and she just took her sixes like a champ. It was good to see both of them and they seem to be doing really well. They are about halfway through dental school and are actually performing dentistry on real people. I am not sure how it is set up, but I am imagining something like the hair salon training studios where you can get a free hair cut if you do not mind the risk of uneven sideburns. I am sure that the dental students are all very proficient; you just might want to ask for an extra bit of novacane before getting started.
My father was off on Thursday, so my mother and he came up and we all went off to the Getty Villa in Malibu. We met my friend Tiana and her father David up there and it was just a gorgeous day. Both Gettys are just incredible places to hang out. The ambiance is really unbeatable. Where else can you go, pay $8 to park, and relax in the lap of luxury surrounded by incredible works of art. The Villa houses the antiquities and nearly everything on display was in excess of 2000 years old. There were even some pieces from the stone age that were pushing the 4 to 5 thousand year old mark. Pretty amazing. Flowers were blooming in the gardens and the light breeze off of the ocean was just right. My poor father was going in for a minor check up the next day and in preparation was restricted to clear fluids the day before. While the rest of us enjoyed a wonderful lunch on the terrace, he managed to make the most of some hot tea and a coke. I tried to make him feel better by
telling him that my pasta pomodoro was horrible and tasteless though in actuality, it was delicious. He managed to maintain quite a pleasant demeanor, which I have found extremely hard to do during the mornings I have had to fast for my CT scans. Well done, dad.
Friday morning I met David and Tiana on the links at the Heartwell par 3 course in Long Beach. This was something more than the little pitch and putt that is Holmby. There were actually holes that exceed 100 yards here, no messing around. Luckily, everyone was OK with the infinite mulligans rule and we all took a pretty relaxed attitude towards the game (that is the only way to maintain any semblance of sanity in golf). I posted a few pars and was pleased with my play, though I got more familiar with the trees lining the right side of the fairways than I would like to admit. David is a really good golfer and Tiana and I could certainly learn a thing or two from him. What I would give for a bit of consistency. I can hit some nice shots from time to time but the shots in between are pretty abominable. Oh-well. On the 15th, David put a nice little shot right onto the green and somehow Tiana managed to end up right next to him in two shots. I was, again, off in the trees to the right of the hole but still managed to recover for a bogey.
After golf, I made my way back up to the apartment and Eva and I found a new way to be decadent without ever stepping outside. Don’t worry, I will keep it clean. We ordered delivery and then watched a dvd on our home theater. Not exactly making the scene as you might expect from a couple of twenty-somethings but we have settled rather nicely into our old married couple niche and are quite happy being there. We ordered sushi from the place a couple blocks away, a half hour later it was at our door and we were good to go. What a world we live in. The feature for the night was Happy Feet. I will say that it was an Eva pick just to maintain some sense of manliness. It was a fun little movie and I know I am just repeating myself, but I really enjoy the projector. It has been an enjoyable splurge. My friend Nick also really likes his, though I think he is getting a touch of grief from his fiancé as he hesitates to go out to movies anymore because he argues that they basically have a theater in their own house.
For the weekend, Eva and I got up fairly early and got out on a run/ride. Eva was feeling good so we ended up going all the way to Holmby where I parked the bike and walked a couple of laps. It was amazing, there were really only about five groups on the golf course. I guess people do not get up very early for the public course in Beverly Hills. Somehow we did not have any cash on us (we usually carry at least a few bucks) so we could not even rent clubs to get out and play a bit. Bummer. We enjoyed our little stroll and eventually made our way back to our apartment. Using the GPS throughout the morning’s trip, I found that we covered exactly 8.67 miles. How I lived without knowing that before, I do not know. We got cleaned up at the apartment and then Eva made another idea materialize and set us up with tickets for 12 Angry Men which was playing at the Ahmanson. We caught the afternoon matinee and it was a great performance. George Wendt (a fellow big guy) played the juror #1 and Richard Thomas played the questioning juror #8 (both are TV actors though they were a bit before my time). It was kind of neat going to a matinee because after the performance we still had a good portion of the day available to us. Since we were in downtown, we decided to hit the fashion district and see if we could find any sweet deals for Eva. It may not be that manly, but I really enjoy the fashion district. The cultural diversity and activity that is going on really give it a unique feel; as if you are in a whole other country, especially when you compare it to the Beverly Center or the other shopping Meccas close to where we live. We saw some nice things though the only item we came home with was a belt for Eva, which she added to her ensemble right then and there.
We cruised back towards West Hollywood and decided to grab dinner at Barney’s Beanery. I did not realize until we were seated, but Saturday night was 10 months since diagnosis. Pretty amazing. Who knows what the future will hold, but I have to say that it has been an incredible 10 months and I would like to thank everyone who has helped make it quite a remarkable time for me. Each one of you has helped me along my way in one way or another and for that I am truly grateful. Just to single out a few, my parents and new parents have been incredibly kind and loving to me, and Eva has been beyond description. Her love and support has given me the strength and outlook to make it this far and I am really working hard on getter her the 80 years I owe her. We joked the other night, “10 months down, 79 years and 2 months to go.” We raised a glass to that sentiment, and enjoyed a nice meal at one of our favorite spots. Just to put this out there, if anyone is in the area and has a hankering for smores, just give me a call and I will be there.
Take care and live strong,
TN
Everything is just moving along as normal as things get these days. I have had a few chemo sessions since the last scan and a full round last Monday. That was the first full round in a while and it was nice to hang around the office for more than a half hour or so. Eva and I are still getting a feel for the new regimen but even after about three months, what I get and when I get it still seems fairly fluid. I suppose I should request that Dr. Isacoff would just lay out the schedule for me, but I would rather spend the brief interactions kidding about various life happenings than worrying about the exact day I get the next bit of poison. I keep rough tabs on what I am getting and speak up when I think I am due for more (though I keep quiet when it might be a bit early). The best I can figure is that I get Mitomycin C every 4 to 6 weeks. I get Taxotere, Epirubicin, and Erbitux about every 2 to 3 weeks, though not in the same week as Mitomycin C. I will also get other doses of Erbitux on the in between weeks. I am still doing 2 weeks of Xeloda throughout all this which is just a couple of pills that I take in the morning and at night. This regimen is harder and easier in different ways. I still think I should be getting much more chemo, especially after the scan in January and the slight increase of the cyst but I cannot argue with the stability that was seen in the April scan. Though I do enjoy spending time in the office, the old GFLIP regimen was pretty time intensive and did take quite a toll on me. I would spend about 4 hours one day getting Gemzar, Irrenotecan, and Erbitux one day and then come back the next day for about 5 hours of hydration and Cisplatin. Then I would go home, sit on the couch like a blob and receive loving comments from my wife like, “My, you look like the cutest little bloated squirrel I have ever seen. Are your cheeks really that big or are you just carrying around a jar of nuts in case you get hungry?” Anyways, I am still just plugging away. I take what they give me and so far it has worked pretty well. I do think that my mood is affected some days, though not severely, and I also do not feel like myself, physically, some days, but that is to be expected. I am not sure if it was the chemo or the heat but the first few days of this week have been pretty draining. Maybe I should go back to work just for the air conditioning. I do not know how productive I would be but I think I would be more comfortable.
Again, like I said, the beginning of last week was not all that exciting. Just a brief environmental plug... I switched out all of the light bulbs in our apartment for fluorescent bulbs and would recommend for everyone out there to do the same. They are supposed to last for like 8 years, sounds like another challenge for me. Can I outlive my lightbulbs? The gauntlet has been laid down. This will be a bigger challenge than outliving my credit card’s expiration dates or making it to my next birthday (check, oh-yeah!). We will see how I do.
On Wednesday evening, Eva and I met Adam and Tran at Holmby and played a bit of golf. It was Tran’s first time playing golf and she did really well for the amount of effort she put into it. Once she got onto the greens, golf sort of morphed into hockey and she just sort of guided the ball into the hole. Luckily we play double par as max and she just took her sixes like a champ. It was good to see both of them and they seem to be doing really well. They are about halfway through dental school and are actually performing dentistry on real people. I am not sure how it is set up, but I am imagining something like the hair salon training studios where you can get a free hair cut if you do not mind the risk of uneven sideburns. I am sure that the dental students are all very proficient; you just might want to ask for an extra bit of novacane before getting started.
My father was off on Thursday, so my mother and he came up and we all went off to the Getty Villa in Malibu. We met my friend Tiana and her father David up there and it was just a gorgeous day. Both Gettys are just incredible places to hang out. The ambiance is really unbeatable. Where else can you go, pay $8 to park, and relax in the lap of luxury surrounded by incredible works of art. The Villa houses the antiquities and nearly everything on display was in excess of 2000 years old. There were even some pieces from the stone age that were pushing the 4 to 5 thousand year old mark. Pretty amazing. Flowers were blooming in the gardens and the light breeze off of the ocean was just right. My poor father was going in for a minor check up the next day and in preparation was restricted to clear fluids the day before. While the rest of us enjoyed a wonderful lunch on the terrace, he managed to make the most of some hot tea and a coke. I tried to make him feel better by
telling him that my pasta pomodoro was horrible and tasteless though in actuality, it was delicious. He managed to maintain quite a pleasant demeanor, which I have found extremely hard to do during the mornings I have had to fast for my CT scans. Well done, dad.
Friday morning I met David and Tiana on the links at the Heartwell par 3 course in Long Beach. This was something more than the little pitch and putt that is Holmby. There were actually holes that exceed 100 yards here, no messing around. Luckily, everyone was OK with the infinite mulligans rule and we all took a pretty relaxed attitude towards the game (that is the only way to maintain any semblance of sanity in golf). I posted a few pars and was pleased with my play, though I got more familiar with the trees lining the right side of the fairways than I would like to admit. David is a really good golfer and Tiana and I could certainly learn a thing or two from him. What I would give for a bit of consistency. I can hit some nice shots from time to time but the shots in between are pretty abominable. Oh-well. On the 15th, David put a nice little shot right onto the green and somehow Tiana managed to end up right next to him in two shots. I was, again, off in the trees to the right of the hole but still managed to recover for a bogey.
After golf, I made my way back up to the apartment and Eva and I found a new way to be decadent without ever stepping outside. Don’t worry, I will keep it clean. We ordered delivery and then watched a dvd on our home theater. Not exactly making the scene as you might expect from a couple of twenty-somethings but we have settled rather nicely into our old married couple niche and are quite happy being there. We ordered sushi from the place a couple blocks away, a half hour later it was at our door and we were good to go. What a world we live in. The feature for the night was Happy Feet. I will say that it was an Eva pick just to maintain some sense of manliness. It was a fun little movie and I know I am just repeating myself, but I really enjoy the projector. It has been an enjoyable splurge. My friend Nick also really likes his, though I think he is getting a touch of grief from his fiancé as he hesitates to go out to movies anymore because he argues that they basically have a theater in their own house.
For the weekend, Eva and I got up fairly early and got out on a run/ride. Eva was feeling good so we ended up going all the way to Holmby where I parked the bike and walked a couple of laps. It was amazing, there were really only about five groups on the golf course. I guess people do not get up very early for the public course in Beverly Hills. Somehow we did not have any cash on us (we usually carry at least a few bucks) so we could not even rent clubs to get out and play a bit. Bummer. We enjoyed our little stroll and eventually made our way back to our apartment. Using the GPS throughout the morning’s trip, I found that we covered exactly 8.67 miles. How I lived without knowing that before, I do not know. We got cleaned up at the apartment and then Eva made another idea materialize and set us up with tickets for 12 Angry Men which was playing at the Ahmanson. We caught the afternoon matinee and it was a great performance. George Wendt (a fellow big guy) played the juror #1 and Richard Thomas played the questioning juror #8 (both are TV actors though they were a bit before my time). It was kind of neat going to a matinee because after the performance we still had a good portion of the day available to us. Since we were in downtown, we decided to hit the fashion district and see if we could find any sweet deals for Eva. It may not be that manly, but I really enjoy the fashion district. The cultural diversity and activity that is going on really give it a unique feel; as if you are in a whole other country, especially when you compare it to the Beverly Center or the other shopping Meccas close to where we live. We saw some nice things though the only item we came home with was a belt for Eva, which she added to her ensemble right then and there.
We cruised back towards West Hollywood and decided to grab dinner at Barney’s Beanery. I did not realize until we were seated, but Saturday night was 10 months since diagnosis. Pretty amazing. Who knows what the future will hold, but I have to say that it has been an incredible 10 months and I would like to thank everyone who has helped make it quite a remarkable time for me. Each one of you has helped me along my way in one way or another and for that I am truly grateful. Just to single out a few, my parents and new parents have been incredibly kind and loving to me, and Eva has been beyond description. Her love and support has given me the strength and outlook to make it this far and I am really working hard on getter her the 80 years I owe her. We joked the other night, “10 months down, 79 years and 2 months to go.” We raised a glass to that sentiment, and enjoyed a nice meal at one of our favorite spots. Just to put this out there, if anyone is in the area and has a hankering for smores, just give me a call and I will be there.
Take care and live strong,
TN
Tuesday, May 01, 2007
On Sunday morning, Eva and I got up and did the usual run/ride thing. I kept monitoring our speed and giving updates. It was a little overcast and cooler and it certainly made a difference on our moving average speed. I have been horseback riding with my parents a few times but have yet to go with my wife so that was what I put onto the menu for the day. Eva had actually ridden a bit while growing up and she claimed to be fairly proficient. I have made no claims to that effect, ever. We made our way up to the Sunset Hollywood Ranch (the ranch on the Hollywood side of Griffith Park) and before we knew it, our horses were saddled up and we were on our way. I do not know if something happened or what, but now they require you to wear helmets while riding. Before, you could just check the box saying that you were offered a helmet but declined to wear it. It is probably a good idea, but it is almost impossible to look cool while wearing one. And we all know, that looking the part is everything, especially in Hollywood. I guess I have managed to survive 26 years looking pretty dorky, I will probably be able to make it another afternoon. Anyways, the ride was very nice. It was midday on a Sunday and the group only consisted of Eva and I, the guide, and one other couple. The other couple was pretty nice but I am pretty sure it was their first time on horses. I am not sure if the issue was the rider or the horse but the guy just could not get his horse to go. The guide kept telling him to give the horse a kick and that “If you can’t hear it, he can’t feel it.” Felt very lucky that my horse, Shiloh, and I were able to communicate a bit better. Each time I have gone riding, I have felt a little more comfortable and confident on a horse. I still giggle at the whole idea and it is still really fun to pretend that you are in a western. Eva really is a good rider
and her and Buckshot seemed to be on the same wavelength. She commented, while we were riding, that she has never seen my back so straight. She was threatening to tell me to pretend I was on a horse the next time we were at the dinner table. It just was really surprising to her because all she knows is the sloucher she sees around the apartment. We just did an hour ride but it was fun to get into Griffith Park a bit and always enjoyable to be on a horse.
Later that afternoon, we just hung out a bit and read and relaxed. We picked up some camping chairs at Target the day before and gave them a test drive on the balcony. It was pretty sweet. The chairs we previously had on the balcony, were just some wooden folding chairs and it only took about 15 minutes of sitting before your butt would fall asleep. The camping chairs are much more comfortable and it is only a matter of time before I start napping out there. Lazily I got ready, as Eva had told me she was taking me out for a romantic dinner that evening. I was pretty curious, but she would not tell me where we were going. She only said to wear a suit and that we were leaving at 5:30. I made sure she double-checked the directions, as I usually navigate, and then followed her requests as instructed.
I continued to wonder where she was taking me as we got into the car and started making our way towards Hollywood. When she said to make a right onto Franklin, I thought that maybe we were heading towards the Magic Castle but I was a little worried that she might be using the invitation we had gotten for our wedding from my Aunt Patti and Uncle Tom just on us. The invitation had allowed us to bring up to ten guests and we all know how I feel about getting the most value out of everything. I calmed my nerves with the idea that she probably got another invitation for two from one of her co-workers and was really looking forward to a romantic and fun evening with my wife. I was a little worried about not making the scene by pulling up to the valet in my Volvo but then I saw that the car in front of me was also a Volvo and felt a little better. Then I looked a little closer, and wondered to myself, “Is that Ariel getting out of that car? What are the odds that they are here at the Magic Castle as the same time as Eva and I? Ohh, there’s Nick, hey I haven’t seen them in a bit, cool. Ohh, hey, there’s Steve and Collette, and wait a minute, there’s my parents, hey, what’s going on?” With 26 birthdays, I had never had a surprise pulled on me like that. Eva had put it all together and it came off without a hitch. The amazing part was that Steve, Nick, nor myself are known as very timely guys and somehow, we all arrived within about 5 minutes and there were no cars in between our four. Nick had noticed me behind him turning into the driveway but I was totally clueless. It was wonderful to see such good friends and my parents and I was just overwhelmed at the whole idea of it all. Every time I think my wife could not be any more perfect, she proves me wrong and raises the bar even further. I do not know how much longer she can continue like this before she will have to walk on water or something.
We all gathered ourselves, said the magic words and went inside for dinner. It was wonderful food, as expected, and just a delightful meal. Nick and Ariel are continuing with their wedding plans and approaching it in a similar manner to how Eva and I approached it, as opposed to the usual American freak out and spend all of our parents money protocol, which seems to be fairly common these days. Nick and I have something of a symbiosis going in the home entertainment department. About a month ago we had Nick and Ariel over for dinner and we each lauded our recent acquisitions. They told us about their Wii and we showed them our projector. Well, about a week after the dinner, Nick had gotten himself a projector, and I had picked up a Wii and we were both just that much happier. Steve and Collette also seem to be doing well and are just very cute together. I wish both couples the best for the future and I am sure fun times are in store for both of them.
After dinner, we tried to catch all the magic shows we could get into and some were pretty impressive. Eva is so cute because she is so interested in trying to figure out how they do each trick. She just really never turns off. Her mind is in constant motion and I love it. One guy made birds appear out of every which way, there were a number of card and rope tricks, and a little, little dog even read my mind. I really had a good time and enjoyed all the little shows we saw. Well performed magic just puts a smile on my face and puts me in a really good place. We are well into my cancer journey and it still remains of utmost importance to keep an optimistic and positive outlook on the future. Different activities that keep some wonder in my eye, seem to me as essential as the chemo I get. Eva just does an incredible job of keeping me in that place and mental state. I know I am just repeating myself, but I shudder at the idea of where I would be without her. She is truly a saint. Enough seriousness though, I enjoyed my one beer for the week and was glad that I had saved it for such an occasion. Seeing the different tricks and shows sort of perked an interest for Eva and I and I would not be surprised if we ended up picking up a couple of tricks the next time we are in a magic shop.
It was truly a wonderful evening and I just wanted to say thanks to my parents, Steve, Collette, Nick, Ariel, and Eva for making it so. It was the best birthday dinner I could have imagined.
-TN
Saturday, April 28, 2007
4-24-2007 through 4-28-2007
Sorry about the video not working on the previous post. I think the issue has been resolved. Thanks mom for the heads up.
The theme for the week was really busy days in between low-key days. This allowed me to gather enough energy to have a good time on the really fun days and then recover on the off days. The day after my birthday, Tuesday, was rather uneventful as I spent most of the day playing around with the computer and then Eva and I just watched a movie at night. As a friend of the family put it, “Uneventful is good.” Especially, when you are well into your cancer journey. That seems like an acceptable rationalization for just sitting around. Besides, I knew I was going to have a busy day on Wednesday, and it was good for me to rest up.
On Wednesday, my parents came up and we went to Universal Studios. We had gotten some free passes as part of a Kings hockey package and we always feel really good when we actually use the free passes or coupons that we have. It was an average southern California spring day- mid seventies, not a cloud in the sky, though a bit hazy. All in all, a rough time to be out and about. There were a fair number of people at the theme park but really, it was practically empty and we basically walked on and into all the rides and shows we wanted to hit. I cannot imagine the scene on a weekend in the middle of summer. Sounds like someone’s twisted version of hell. I was very impressed with my parents as they were really into all the rides and attractions. My mom just giggled the whole time we were moving on The Mummy. The pic is of us on Jurrasic Park.
My dad would not let us pass up the Hollywood House of Horrors (a maze akin to those at Knott’s Scary Farm) and was just so into it as we were walking through. I, personally, could have gone without being scared or jumped at but this was what he wanted to do. We ended up walking through the maze really slowly as well, as he wanted to check out everything there was to see. The cast members did a good job and definitely got my dad, as well as my mom and me, a number of times. I think I saw him get a few inches off the ground when he jumped a couple of times. This was my mom’s first time through a maze like that and she was just so brave. She is really stepping up to all sorts of new experiences these days and I couldn’t be happier for her. A big part of dealing with what is going on with me is finding the good that has come from it, and I think that it has had a positive impact on a number of us. It would have been nicer to, perhaps, have had the positive impact without the intensity of the current situation but, then again, maybe the lessons just would not have stuck as well.
If you look closely here, you can see my mom holding Kevin Bacon's hand. Isn't that adorable!
It was a pretty full day and we hit all the rides and almost all the shows. By the end, we were all pretty tired. One little souvenir I picked up for myself, was a deck of cards with a different celebrity’s mug shot on each card. Everyone from Kobe, to Frank Sinatra, to Michael Jackson. Pretty entertaining. In the evening, we had a nice little dinner at Jerry’s Deli and we called it a day.
Thursday and Friday were pretty low-key days as I just hung around the house and took care of little things that needed attention. I sort of cleaned up a bit and ended up meeting Eva for lunch at the Cedar’s cafeteria both days. In the evening on Thursday, we had wanted to play a little tennis, but the courts were all taken and there was a bit of a group waiting to play. We audibled and decided to go on a little run from the park. Poor Eva, she has to go so slow when we run together. Every block, I find myself just hoping for the light to change so that we might have to wait and I get a little break to catch my breath. After about 15 minutes I felt that was a good halfway point for me but Eva wanted to go a bit further. I just walked while she ran and then on the way back we met up again. I find myself very much a part of this generation with our inherent need to be plugged in. When I had just began walking, I had wished that I had brought along my mp3 player so I could listen to an audio book or podcast while I was walking (I know, my old running buddies should be shaking their heads and be embarrassed for me). I thought about it a minute and realized, that no, I did not need my mp3 player and that I should just enjoy my walk and this opportunity to think a bit. It is so rare these days that we just stop a minute and spend some time with our thoughts. It was such a beautiful evening and just very pleasant walking and thinking. I would like to say that I had some incredible revelations on my walk, but mostly it was just sorting things out in my mind. Anyways, Eva and I met up and we jogged back to the park and called it a night.
On Friday evening, we ended up being able to get onto the tennis courts and had a good time hitting the ball around. My game is improving a bit, though I am rather inconsistent. One shot will be a hard low ball right at Eva and the next shot will be a moon ball to the corner. Luckily, I have not hit any over the fence since we have started playing again. I keep telling Eva that I am trying to get every ball right to her but she just does not buy it after running side-to-side and front to back over and over again.
We continued the athletic endeavors with the usual run/ride to the fountain on Santa Monica Blvd on Saturday morning. I have been taking my handheld gps along with us and it has been a fun little toy. I can give Eva her exact speed, compass heading, and elevation at a moments notice. For some reason, she never seems as excited to hear those numbers as I am to tell her. It is probably a boy with his toys thing. After we got cleaned up, we were good Americans and did a little consuming. How do you know you have settled into married couple mode? When you spend your Saturday afternoon at Target. We even split up in the store to make sure we hit all the departments we needed to hit before we had to be on our way. Actually, we got a number of things that we needed to make our humble abode, a little bit less humble.
Saturday evening, Joe and Debbie Carlson came up to our apartment with my parents. It was really wonderful to see them and catch up a bit with them over dinner. Both Joe and Debbie are such warm, kind, and funny people and very enjoyable to spend an evening with. Joe gave us the highlights of how some of the Poly boys did at the Penn Relays (basically the biggest track and field event in the nation for high school and collegiate athletes). They posted some amazing times including 3:09 for the 4x400m. That is averaging 47+ seconds for each runner, incredible. It brought back memories of when I ran at the Penn relays which was a truly remarkable experience. My time was actually only a few seconds slower, though I only ran three laps instead of four, but I did do it all myself. After dinner, we went to the Arclight to see Hot Fuzz in the Cinerama dome. I had seen the previews and knew that it was going to be something of a spoof of action movies, but I still was not prepared for a few of the bloodier scenes. I have to admit, I did laugh pretty hard at senior citizens operating automatic weapons and when a little old lady was jump kicked to the face. All in all, it was an enjoyable little spectacle.
Thanks again to everyone who called or emailed my for my birthday. You all made me feel really special. I loved the card Betty and Zel. Be careful, you are only putting ideas into my head to make my way up there.
Take Care and Live Strong,
TN
The theme for the week was really busy days in between low-key days. This allowed me to gather enough energy to have a good time on the really fun days and then recover on the off days. The day after my birthday, Tuesday, was rather uneventful as I spent most of the day playing around with the computer and then Eva and I just watched a movie at night. As a friend of the family put it, “Uneventful is good.” Especially, when you are well into your cancer journey. That seems like an acceptable rationalization for just sitting around. Besides, I knew I was going to have a busy day on Wednesday, and it was good for me to rest up.
On Wednesday, my parents came up and we went to Universal Studios. We had gotten some free passes as part of a Kings hockey package and we always feel really good when we actually use the free passes or coupons that we have. It was an average southern California spring day- mid seventies, not a cloud in the sky, though a bit hazy. All in all, a rough time to be out and about. There were a fair number of people at the theme park but really, it was practically empty and we basically walked on and into all the rides and shows we wanted to hit. I cannot imagine the scene on a weekend in the middle of summer. Sounds like someone’s twisted version of hell. I was very impressed with my parents as they were really into all the rides and attractions. My mom just giggled the whole time we were moving on The Mummy. The pic is of us on Jurrasic Park.
My dad would not let us pass up the Hollywood House of Horrors (a maze akin to those at Knott’s Scary Farm) and was just so into it as we were walking through. I, personally, could have gone without being scared or jumped at but this was what he wanted to do. We ended up walking through the maze really slowly as well, as he wanted to check out everything there was to see. The cast members did a good job and definitely got my dad, as well as my mom and me, a number of times. I think I saw him get a few inches off the ground when he jumped a couple of times. This was my mom’s first time through a maze like that and she was just so brave. She is really stepping up to all sorts of new experiences these days and I couldn’t be happier for her. A big part of dealing with what is going on with me is finding the good that has come from it, and I think that it has had a positive impact on a number of us. It would have been nicer to, perhaps, have had the positive impact without the intensity of the current situation but, then again, maybe the lessons just would not have stuck as well.
If you look closely here, you can see my mom holding Kevin Bacon's hand. Isn't that adorable!
It was a pretty full day and we hit all the rides and almost all the shows. By the end, we were all pretty tired. One little souvenir I picked up for myself, was a deck of cards with a different celebrity’s mug shot on each card. Everyone from Kobe, to Frank Sinatra, to Michael Jackson. Pretty entertaining. In the evening, we had a nice little dinner at Jerry’s Deli and we called it a day.
Thursday and Friday were pretty low-key days as I just hung around the house and took care of little things that needed attention. I sort of cleaned up a bit and ended up meeting Eva for lunch at the Cedar’s cafeteria both days. In the evening on Thursday, we had wanted to play a little tennis, but the courts were all taken and there was a bit of a group waiting to play. We audibled and decided to go on a little run from the park. Poor Eva, she has to go so slow when we run together. Every block, I find myself just hoping for the light to change so that we might have to wait and I get a little break to catch my breath. After about 15 minutes I felt that was a good halfway point for me but Eva wanted to go a bit further. I just walked while she ran and then on the way back we met up again. I find myself very much a part of this generation with our inherent need to be plugged in. When I had just began walking, I had wished that I had brought along my mp3 player so I could listen to an audio book or podcast while I was walking (I know, my old running buddies should be shaking their heads and be embarrassed for me). I thought about it a minute and realized, that no, I did not need my mp3 player and that I should just enjoy my walk and this opportunity to think a bit. It is so rare these days that we just stop a minute and spend some time with our thoughts. It was such a beautiful evening and just very pleasant walking and thinking. I would like to say that I had some incredible revelations on my walk, but mostly it was just sorting things out in my mind. Anyways, Eva and I met up and we jogged back to the park and called it a night.
On Friday evening, we ended up being able to get onto the tennis courts and had a good time hitting the ball around. My game is improving a bit, though I am rather inconsistent. One shot will be a hard low ball right at Eva and the next shot will be a moon ball to the corner. Luckily, I have not hit any over the fence since we have started playing again. I keep telling Eva that I am trying to get every ball right to her but she just does not buy it after running side-to-side and front to back over and over again.
We continued the athletic endeavors with the usual run/ride to the fountain on Santa Monica Blvd on Saturday morning. I have been taking my handheld gps along with us and it has been a fun little toy. I can give Eva her exact speed, compass heading, and elevation at a moments notice. For some reason, she never seems as excited to hear those numbers as I am to tell her. It is probably a boy with his toys thing. After we got cleaned up, we were good Americans and did a little consuming. How do you know you have settled into married couple mode? When you spend your Saturday afternoon at Target. We even split up in the store to make sure we hit all the departments we needed to hit before we had to be on our way. Actually, we got a number of things that we needed to make our humble abode, a little bit less humble.
Saturday evening, Joe and Debbie Carlson came up to our apartment with my parents. It was really wonderful to see them and catch up a bit with them over dinner. Both Joe and Debbie are such warm, kind, and funny people and very enjoyable to spend an evening with. Joe gave us the highlights of how some of the Poly boys did at the Penn Relays (basically the biggest track and field event in the nation for high school and collegiate athletes). They posted some amazing times including 3:09 for the 4x400m. That is averaging 47+ seconds for each runner, incredible. It brought back memories of when I ran at the Penn relays which was a truly remarkable experience. My time was actually only a few seconds slower, though I only ran three laps instead of four, but I did do it all myself. After dinner, we went to the Arclight to see Hot Fuzz in the Cinerama dome. I had seen the previews and knew that it was going to be something of a spoof of action movies, but I still was not prepared for a few of the bloodier scenes. I have to admit, I did laugh pretty hard at senior citizens operating automatic weapons and when a little old lady was jump kicked to the face. All in all, it was an enjoyable little spectacle.
Thanks again to everyone who called or emailed my for my birthday. You all made me feel really special. I loved the card Betty and Zel. Be careful, you are only putting ideas into my head to make my way up there.
Take Care and Live Strong,
TN
Tuesday, April 24, 2007
4-23-2007 My Birthday
April 23rd was my birthday and what a birthday it was. Frankly, I was just stoked to still be around for it. I still am very hopeful for the future but after diagnosis the question of whether or not I would make it to my next birthday was a tough one to answer. Hopefully there will be many more ahead of me.
Eva was adorable and full of energy when we got up. I had chocolate chip pancakes for breakfast and added the rest of the boysenberries for good measure. To keep in the theme for this year, I had an infusion in the morning. There really was no other place I could imagine going on my birthday and it just sort of worked out that way. It was an easy infusion as I only got Mitomycin C, which only takes about 30 minutes. I still get tripped out every time I receive that particular chemo. It seriously looks like purple Gatorade. We brought a cake to the office and the office staff was really warm and excited that it was my birthday. Dr. Isacoff gave me a hug. Sony played with Eva and me but was a little smelly so we kept the handling to a minimum. Candice did the usual review of systems and everything is just going along as usual, or at least going along our new definition of usual. My mother met Eva and me at UCLA and joined us during the infusion. Unfortunately, my father had to work, but we got to spend the weekend together and he is also off this Wednesday. I am sure we will find something to do.
After the infusion, Eva had to drop some samples off at a lab at UCLA for work and then we all went to Holmby for a round of golf. I was glad to have my mother along as it took a bit of the competitive edge off of the Eva vs. Tyler sports rivalry and she certainly added some hilarity to the game. Both Eva and my mother played really well and managed to each post a few pars. I was very impressed. Granted, a number of their shots just rolled up to the green, but they still got there and that is really all that matters. The “river” did present quite a challenge as a two foot wall (that serves as a waterfall when there is actually water in the river) nearly proved to be an impenetrable obstacle for my mother and Eva. It was wonderful playing with my two favorite women and when Eva pars a hole or hits a sweet shot, she does a little celebratory dance that is to die for. My mother describes golf as being similar to playing the slots. Hours of disappointment interspersed with moments of glory that are just
enticing enough to keep you going. I had a really good day as I actually birdied 3 holes and only shot 8 over par for the round. It should be said that there were a large number of mulligans and that the 8 over par is by no means an accurate representation of my golfing ability. I felt very good as a number of my tee-offs were actually rather pretty. That does look like a lot of backswing for a 40 yard hole, though.
As if golf was not fun enough, we added a little squirrel chasing in as well. I knew Eva was quick, but being able to nearly outmaneuver a squirrel puts her in a league of her own. Don’t worry, we only chased the squirrel for a few minutes and I am sure he was not too traumatized. Besides, those moments of terror keep the squirrel sharp and ready for action. At least that is what Eva says when she is harassing me.
After golf, Eva and I went back to the apartment and, though I was kicking around a number of ideas in my head, took a nap. It was really nice just relaxing and taking it easy and I am realizing more and more how much I value just spending time with the ones I love. I also enjoy packing the day and really enjoy packing the day by doing things with the ones I love, but
slowing down has become an equally enjoyable activity. We had stopped by Ralphs on the way home and decided to go big for my birthday. Food has also risen to be one of my favorite pastimes. I decided on the surf and turf theme and picked up some Ahi Tuna, Alaskan king crab legs, and a steak. We added some fruits and a small salad for a little color and Eva also partook of some sushi rolls. I had asked the guy if any of the fish was OK for sushi and he had said that the Ahi was of sushi quality and they had just got it in that day so I decided to live dangerously. It was really good and I have made it about 20 hours without any major intestinal problems so hopefully I am OK. The steak was tender and juicy and great coming off the grill. Crab is quite a healthy food as I am pretty sure there is a net loss of calories while you eat it, especially if you do not have any shell crackers. None the less, it was very tasty and worth the effort. After dinner, Eva and I watched Swingers, an old favorite, and called it a night. I spoke to a few friends and my father and it was just a really nice day. Thanks to everyone who helped to make me a really happy guy on my birthday. I really appreciate it.
This is rather embarassing, but I thought some of you might enjoy a short video of me struggling to eat some crab. I would probably last about 2 minutes if I ate this way in a restaurant. Hopefully you get some amusement out of it.
Eva was adorable and full of energy when we got up. I had chocolate chip pancakes for breakfast and added the rest of the boysenberries for good measure. To keep in the theme for this year, I had an infusion in the morning. There really was no other place I could imagine going on my birthday and it just sort of worked out that way. It was an easy infusion as I only got Mitomycin C, which only takes about 30 minutes. I still get tripped out every time I receive that particular chemo. It seriously looks like purple Gatorade. We brought a cake to the office and the office staff was really warm and excited that it was my birthday. Dr. Isacoff gave me a hug. Sony played with Eva and me but was a little smelly so we kept the handling to a minimum. Candice did the usual review of systems and everything is just going along as usual, or at least going along our new definition of usual. My mother met Eva and me at UCLA and joined us during the infusion. Unfortunately, my father had to work, but we got to spend the weekend together and he is also off this Wednesday. I am sure we will find something to do.
After the infusion, Eva had to drop some samples off at a lab at UCLA for work and then we all went to Holmby for a round of golf. I was glad to have my mother along as it took a bit of the competitive edge off of the Eva vs. Tyler sports rivalry and she certainly added some hilarity to the game. Both Eva and my mother played really well and managed to each post a few pars. I was very impressed. Granted, a number of their shots just rolled up to the green, but they still got there and that is really all that matters. The “river” did present quite a challenge as a two foot wall (that serves as a waterfall when there is actually water in the river) nearly proved to be an impenetrable obstacle for my mother and Eva. It was wonderful playing with my two favorite women and when Eva pars a hole or hits a sweet shot, she does a little celebratory dance that is to die for. My mother describes golf as being similar to playing the slots. Hours of disappointment interspersed with moments of glory that are just
enticing enough to keep you going. I had a really good day as I actually birdied 3 holes and only shot 8 over par for the round. It should be said that there were a large number of mulligans and that the 8 over par is by no means an accurate representation of my golfing ability. I felt very good as a number of my tee-offs were actually rather pretty. That does look like a lot of backswing for a 40 yard hole, though.
As if golf was not fun enough, we added a little squirrel chasing in as well. I knew Eva was quick, but being able to nearly outmaneuver a squirrel puts her in a league of her own. Don’t worry, we only chased the squirrel for a few minutes and I am sure he was not too traumatized. Besides, those moments of terror keep the squirrel sharp and ready for action. At least that is what Eva says when she is harassing me.
After golf, Eva and I went back to the apartment and, though I was kicking around a number of ideas in my head, took a nap. It was really nice just relaxing and taking it easy and I am realizing more and more how much I value just spending time with the ones I love. I also enjoy packing the day and really enjoy packing the day by doing things with the ones I love, but
slowing down has become an equally enjoyable activity. We had stopped by Ralphs on the way home and decided to go big for my birthday. Food has also risen to be one of my favorite pastimes. I decided on the surf and turf theme and picked up some Ahi Tuna, Alaskan king crab legs, and a steak. We added some fruits and a small salad for a little color and Eva also partook of some sushi rolls. I had asked the guy if any of the fish was OK for sushi and he had said that the Ahi was of sushi quality and they had just got it in that day so I decided to live dangerously. It was really good and I have made it about 20 hours without any major intestinal problems so hopefully I am OK. The steak was tender and juicy and great coming off the grill. Crab is quite a healthy food as I am pretty sure there is a net loss of calories while you eat it, especially if you do not have any shell crackers. None the less, it was very tasty and worth the effort. After dinner, Eva and I watched Swingers, an old favorite, and called it a night. I spoke to a few friends and my father and it was just a really nice day. Thanks to everyone who helped to make me a really happy guy on my birthday. I really appreciate it.
This is rather embarassing, but I thought some of you might enjoy a short video of me struggling to eat some crab. I would probably last about 2 minutes if I ate this way in a restaurant. Hopefully you get some amusement out of it.
Sunday, April 22, 2007
4-22-2007 Remembering Barbara Wright
On Sunday afternoon, Eva, my parents and I went to the Memorial for Barbara Wright. Fittingly, it was held at the fitness facility at Orange Coast College. As expected, the place was filled. She had so many friends and family and the lines between the two were often blurred or non-existent. For those of you who were not lucky enough to have known her, to me she was Mrs. Coach, the wife of my high school cross-country coach. Both Barbara and George had such a big impact on making me the person I am today. Both provided incredible models for the way that I would like to live my life. Their spirit, zest, energy, attitude, and love for life were unparalleled. Amy Fillipow, the current Mrs. Coach and an admirable woman in her own right, reminded me of something I had said on a training run in Mammoth one summer. I had expressed my desire to find and marry a girl like Mrs. Coach or Amy. One that shared their wonderful outlook on life, was physically fit enough to enjoy a variety of outdoor activities, and one that was personable and fun so that “getting there” was just as fun as “being there.” The whole package, if you will. Eva certainly fits the bill and has made as happy as I would have imagined a woman could make me when I had expressed those thoughts on that run.
The service was particularly tough on Eva and me. Barbara has a special place in my heart. Saying that it hit a little close to home would be a gross understatement. She had put up an incredible fight against lung cancer and had an incredibly optimistic spirit throughout her journey. We all would have liked to see the journey turn out differently, but we take comfort in knowing that she is reunited with her husband George now. They were so in love, I suppose they just could not bear to be apart from each other.
Barbara was such an incredible woman and was just always so warm and loving towards everyone she met. I remember, about a week after I was diagnosed, I gave her a call. That was one of the most meaningful conversations of my life. She gave me the strength, attitude, and outlook I needed to get through one of the toughest times of my life. I will always be grateful to her for her kind words that day. It is certainly true that our care givers live with cancer just as we do during these times but, I am sorry to say, that unless you actually have the cancer in your body, you will never totally know the experience of living with cancer. Words from one survivor to another are a sacred thing. In both of our efforts to come to grips with our disease, we each asked, “Why me?” Her response, in which I agree, was that it was just shitty luck. It was that simple. A particularly poignant comment at the service, was that health, fitness, and eating right do not guarantee longevity but merely enhance the quality of life during the time you are given. In that respect, Barbara and George lived incredibly full, rich, and wonderful lives and we should all aspire to live like them.
The rest of the weekend was filled with comparably insignificant events but I am sure were in accordance with Barbara’s desires for each of us to live life as best we can. I really enjoyed the rain on Friday and spent most of the day just reading and writing and looking out of the window. After Eva got off of work, we went for the usual run/ride down Santa Monica Blvd. The air was so fresh and the trees and greenery seemed to be bursting with color. We got In’N’Out on the way down to San Pedro, which we had not had in a while. This was the beginning of a wonderfully indulgent weekend.
On Saturday, Eva and I slept in and then had a nice breakfast with the family. Only one waffle these days, not 3 anymore. It is still exciting when you add boysenberries, whipped cream, and syrup. After breakfast, Eva and I went for a bike ride around the peninsula. It was a beautiful day. From the north side of the peninsula, you could see all the way up the coast to the Santa Monica Mountains. It was a great time with Eva and she is a good little rider. There may have been some discrepancies between the bikes, but I managed to work her a bit on the bike and regain some of the dignity I have lost on the runs over the last 6 months. After the ride, my mom and Eva went to Costco on a little shopping adventure and I hung out at home and recovered. Maybe I did not work her as much as I had thought. In the evening, my folks, Eva, and I went out to Neil’s for dinner. It was our first time there and it was a wonderful place. Great seafood.
On Sunday morning, I got up, got ready, and went fishing. First time going out by myself in a while. It was pretty nice on the water, a small swell, just enough to be rocky but the wind was fairly calm. It was a little gloomy going out but the sky opened up a few times while I was on the water. I always think of a choir of angels as the rays of sunlight break though the clouds. Unfortunately the glory of God did not really help me find the fish, but what are you going to do. At least it was really pretty out there and I always enjoy being on the water. Eva got out on a run along the cliffs, during which, she saw dolphins heading my way. She ran as fast as she could to try to beat the dolphins and caught up to me at Abalone cove. She was waiving and shouting but could not get my attention as I was pretty focused on fishing and trying to figure out what would entice the fish. She went to a payphone, called me, and finally got my attention. Apparently the dolphins had passed by only about 20 meters from my boat but I totally missed them. Oh-well. There will always be another day and another possibility for more dolphins. All in all, it was a tough day of fishing, barely any bites. I thought I was going to get skunked but I threw out a line at a few different spots on the way in and managed to pull up one Scuptin. It was probably about 10 inches and probably would have been tasty but I am more of a catch and release kind of guy. My streak remains intact - every time I have been fishing since diagnosis, I have caught at least 1 fish. We will see how long I can keep that up.
The service was particularly tough on Eva and me. Barbara has a special place in my heart. Saying that it hit a little close to home would be a gross understatement. She had put up an incredible fight against lung cancer and had an incredibly optimistic spirit throughout her journey. We all would have liked to see the journey turn out differently, but we take comfort in knowing that she is reunited with her husband George now. They were so in love, I suppose they just could not bear to be apart from each other.
Barbara was such an incredible woman and was just always so warm and loving towards everyone she met. I remember, about a week after I was diagnosed, I gave her a call. That was one of the most meaningful conversations of my life. She gave me the strength, attitude, and outlook I needed to get through one of the toughest times of my life. I will always be grateful to her for her kind words that day. It is certainly true that our care givers live with cancer just as we do during these times but, I am sorry to say, that unless you actually have the cancer in your body, you will never totally know the experience of living with cancer. Words from one survivor to another are a sacred thing. In both of our efforts to come to grips with our disease, we each asked, “Why me?” Her response, in which I agree, was that it was just shitty luck. It was that simple. A particularly poignant comment at the service, was that health, fitness, and eating right do not guarantee longevity but merely enhance the quality of life during the time you are given. In that respect, Barbara and George lived incredibly full, rich, and wonderful lives and we should all aspire to live like them.
The rest of the weekend was filled with comparably insignificant events but I am sure were in accordance with Barbara’s desires for each of us to live life as best we can. I really enjoyed the rain on Friday and spent most of the day just reading and writing and looking out of the window. After Eva got off of work, we went for the usual run/ride down Santa Monica Blvd. The air was so fresh and the trees and greenery seemed to be bursting with color. We got In’N’Out on the way down to San Pedro, which we had not had in a while. This was the beginning of a wonderfully indulgent weekend.
On Saturday, Eva and I slept in and then had a nice breakfast with the family. Only one waffle these days, not 3 anymore. It is still exciting when you add boysenberries, whipped cream, and syrup. After breakfast, Eva and I went for a bike ride around the peninsula. It was a beautiful day. From the north side of the peninsula, you could see all the way up the coast to the Santa Monica Mountains. It was a great time with Eva and she is a good little rider. There may have been some discrepancies between the bikes, but I managed to work her a bit on the bike and regain some of the dignity I have lost on the runs over the last 6 months. After the ride, my mom and Eva went to Costco on a little shopping adventure and I hung out at home and recovered. Maybe I did not work her as much as I had thought. In the evening, my folks, Eva, and I went out to Neil’s for dinner. It was our first time there and it was a wonderful place. Great seafood.
On Sunday morning, I got up, got ready, and went fishing. First time going out by myself in a while. It was pretty nice on the water, a small swell, just enough to be rocky but the wind was fairly calm. It was a little gloomy going out but the sky opened up a few times while I was on the water. I always think of a choir of angels as the rays of sunlight break though the clouds. Unfortunately the glory of God did not really help me find the fish, but what are you going to do. At least it was really pretty out there and I always enjoy being on the water. Eva got out on a run along the cliffs, during which, she saw dolphins heading my way. She ran as fast as she could to try to beat the dolphins and caught up to me at Abalone cove. She was waiving and shouting but could not get my attention as I was pretty focused on fishing and trying to figure out what would entice the fish. She went to a payphone, called me, and finally got my attention. Apparently the dolphins had passed by only about 20 meters from my boat but I totally missed them. Oh-well. There will always be another day and another possibility for more dolphins. All in all, it was a tough day of fishing, barely any bites. I thought I was going to get skunked but I threw out a line at a few different spots on the way in and managed to pull up one Scuptin. It was probably about 10 inches and probably would have been tasty but I am more of a catch and release kind of guy. My streak remains intact - every time I have been fishing since diagnosis, I have caught at least 1 fish. We will see how long I can keep that up.
Friday, April 20, 2007
4-19-2007
What a few weeks. Sorry about neglecting the blog for the last little while but I have been pretty busy, as usual. Again, there are days that I want to write, there are days that I just do not feel like it, and there are days when I am just going from one activity to another and barely have the energy to fall into bed at night.
Health wise, things are going pretty well. I still feel basically normal and am able to do a lot of different activities. Occasionally, I am pretty tired and do not feel like myself, but overall, I still feel extremely fortunate to be doing as well as I am doing. I had another CT scan on the 12th. There is a lot of anxiety surrounding these scans as they are something like progress reports on your body. Good scans can bring hope and enthusiasm for the future and bad scans can just as easily take it away. What has been helpful is to realize that, regardless of the results, I felt good the day before the scan and that I felt basically the same the day after the scan. Preparing for the results is also hard. There are so many different possibilities that you really do not know what you should expect or what you should hope for. I am sure we are all hoping that the cyst and tumors would just disappear but that is setting yourself up for disappointment. Even lesser goals can be prove to be pretty disappointing (ie hoping that it has stayed stable and finding that it has grown 10%. Anyways, I had mixed feelings about my results. I was mostly ecstatic but then, of course, I would have liked a little more. 1) The cyst was basically unchanged since the scan on January 16th. 2) The mets in the liver were also unchanged and remain too small to measure. 3) Other areas of possible metastases were unchanged from the prior study and 4) There were no new sites of metastases. In summary, everything is basically the same as it was in January. Believe me when I say that I was extremely happy to hear that. It would have been nice to hear that the cyst had shrunk a bit, but stability is a wonderful thing. It is scary to think about what the results could have been, although, at this point, I wonder if it would be any scarier than that initial diagnosis. I don’t think I want to find out. From here we will just keep on plugging away with the chemo. If the next scans again show the cancer as being stable and I just have to stay on chemo indefinitely, I will take it. I have a wonderful quality of life and am pretty sure that I could get pretty close to normal, aside from the weekly trips to the doctor’s office. My parents, Eva, and I celebrated over a little picnic dinner before going to a play at the Taper on Tuesday night. I even shared some wine with my father. My one glass was quite exciting, I am quite the lush these days.
There have been a number of little adventures over the last few weeks. I have been to Catalina, been diving a few times, and enjoyed some wonderful time with my wife. Yesterday, I went on a bit of a horseback adventure with my parents. We rode out of the LA Equestrian Center in Burbank and into Griffith Park from the backside. I had never really been through that side of Griffith Park, except to visit the zoo, and it was really nice. It is so amazing to find places that are essentially within the urban sprawl that is LA and still give the feeling of isolation. It is a little striking sometimes when you listen, and do not hear cars or other sounds of the city. It was my mother’s first time really riding a horse (she had done the pony rides at Knott’s Berry Farm when she was a kid) and I was just glad to be there to witness it. It is not like my father and I are expert wranglers or anything, but we have each been on a horse a handful of times. Ask my father about his bareback experiences if you want a bit of a chuckle.
My mother did great. I was really proud of her. She had two goals for the day, which were 1) Stay on the horse 2) Have some fun. She succeeded in both of them though there were a few moments of terror as the horse accelerated to a trot a number of times. Ahhh, that look on my mother’s face was priceless. I also loved the flower hat she donned for the ride. One word, Fabulous. My father also got a bit excited at the prospect of having a legitimate reason to wear his cowboy hat and he certainly did look the part. Our guide for the day was Angel and he was just a really nice guy. He took us on a really nice ride and we all had a great time. Our ride went from the stables, into Griffith Park, and up to the top of Mt. Hollywood. This was the destination of the previous ride with my father, but we had gone from the south side of the Hollywood hills. It was a gorgeous day and you could see downtown LA, Burbank, Westwood, Palos Verdes, and even Catalina. Being on the top of Mt. Hollywood, looking out over LA, just really put a smile on my face and sort of calmed me. It was a good feeling and I am sure just as effective medicine as some of the stuff I am putting into my body. Just being on a horse also puts a smile on my face as it is still just fun and unique to me. I felt pretty comfortable on the horse and even enjoyed trotting a bit though it was a little trippy trotting up some decent little inclines. Our horses were very good to us though there were a few minor inter-horse issues on the ride. My dad’s horse, Austin, was pretty mellow but he did not really like anyone passing him. Actually none of the horses like being passed and if another was coming up, they would usually pick up the pace just enough to stay in front. There was also a fair amount of cutting each other off, too. This may have been a rider issue though. For some reason my horse, Hidalgo (who actually looked like Hidalgo, awesome), and my mom’s horse, Terence, would nip at each other a bit as they would go by. We tried to reason with them, help them resolve their differences, but they would not listen. It was as if they did not even understand the words coming out of our mouths. All in all, the horses were very well behaved and we all felt very fortunate that they treated us well.
After the horseback adventure we met up with Eva back at the apartment and then went out to 3rd stop (the pub around the corner). We lamented that Eva had to work over some tasty appetizers and juicy conversation. Eva seemed to enjoy hearing about the day’s events. Of course, when we relayed it to her, all three of us were in a full gallop up to the top of the mountain. I think I also did a backflip onto my horse. That was right after I roped a pig and shot a squirrel. It was quite a fun day.
Health wise, things are going pretty well. I still feel basically normal and am able to do a lot of different activities. Occasionally, I am pretty tired and do not feel like myself, but overall, I still feel extremely fortunate to be doing as well as I am doing. I had another CT scan on the 12th. There is a lot of anxiety surrounding these scans as they are something like progress reports on your body. Good scans can bring hope and enthusiasm for the future and bad scans can just as easily take it away. What has been helpful is to realize that, regardless of the results, I felt good the day before the scan and that I felt basically the same the day after the scan. Preparing for the results is also hard. There are so many different possibilities that you really do not know what you should expect or what you should hope for. I am sure we are all hoping that the cyst and tumors would just disappear but that is setting yourself up for disappointment. Even lesser goals can be prove to be pretty disappointing (ie hoping that it has stayed stable and finding that it has grown 10%. Anyways, I had mixed feelings about my results. I was mostly ecstatic but then, of course, I would have liked a little more. 1) The cyst was basically unchanged since the scan on January 16th. 2) The mets in the liver were also unchanged and remain too small to measure. 3) Other areas of possible metastases were unchanged from the prior study and 4) There were no new sites of metastases. In summary, everything is basically the same as it was in January. Believe me when I say that I was extremely happy to hear that. It would have been nice to hear that the cyst had shrunk a bit, but stability is a wonderful thing. It is scary to think about what the results could have been, although, at this point, I wonder if it would be any scarier than that initial diagnosis. I don’t think I want to find out. From here we will just keep on plugging away with the chemo. If the next scans again show the cancer as being stable and I just have to stay on chemo indefinitely, I will take it. I have a wonderful quality of life and am pretty sure that I could get pretty close to normal, aside from the weekly trips to the doctor’s office. My parents, Eva, and I celebrated over a little picnic dinner before going to a play at the Taper on Tuesday night. I even shared some wine with my father. My one glass was quite exciting, I am quite the lush these days.
There have been a number of little adventures over the last few weeks. I have been to Catalina, been diving a few times, and enjoyed some wonderful time with my wife. Yesterday, I went on a bit of a horseback adventure with my parents. We rode out of the LA Equestrian Center in Burbank and into Griffith Park from the backside. I had never really been through that side of Griffith Park, except to visit the zoo, and it was really nice. It is so amazing to find places that are essentially within the urban sprawl that is LA and still give the feeling of isolation. It is a little striking sometimes when you listen, and do not hear cars or other sounds of the city. It was my mother’s first time really riding a horse (she had done the pony rides at Knott’s Berry Farm when she was a kid) and I was just glad to be there to witness it. It is not like my father and I are expert wranglers or anything, but we have each been on a horse a handful of times. Ask my father about his bareback experiences if you want a bit of a chuckle.
My mother did great. I was really proud of her. She had two goals for the day, which were 1) Stay on the horse 2) Have some fun. She succeeded in both of them though there were a few moments of terror as the horse accelerated to a trot a number of times. Ahhh, that look on my mother’s face was priceless. I also loved the flower hat she donned for the ride. One word, Fabulous. My father also got a bit excited at the prospect of having a legitimate reason to wear his cowboy hat and he certainly did look the part. Our guide for the day was Angel and he was just a really nice guy. He took us on a really nice ride and we all had a great time. Our ride went from the stables, into Griffith Park, and up to the top of Mt. Hollywood. This was the destination of the previous ride with my father, but we had gone from the south side of the Hollywood hills. It was a gorgeous day and you could see downtown LA, Burbank, Westwood, Palos Verdes, and even Catalina. Being on the top of Mt. Hollywood, looking out over LA, just really put a smile on my face and sort of calmed me. It was a good feeling and I am sure just as effective medicine as some of the stuff I am putting into my body. Just being on a horse also puts a smile on my face as it is still just fun and unique to me. I felt pretty comfortable on the horse and even enjoyed trotting a bit though it was a little trippy trotting up some decent little inclines. Our horses were very good to us though there were a few minor inter-horse issues on the ride. My dad’s horse, Austin, was pretty mellow but he did not really like anyone passing him. Actually none of the horses like being passed and if another was coming up, they would usually pick up the pace just enough to stay in front. There was also a fair amount of cutting each other off, too. This may have been a rider issue though. For some reason my horse, Hidalgo (who actually looked like Hidalgo, awesome), and my mom’s horse, Terence, would nip at each other a bit as they would go by. We tried to reason with them, help them resolve their differences, but they would not listen. It was as if they did not even understand the words coming out of our mouths. All in all, the horses were very well behaved and we all felt very fortunate that they treated us well.
After the horseback adventure we met up with Eva back at the apartment and then went out to 3rd stop (the pub around the corner). We lamented that Eva had to work over some tasty appetizers and juicy conversation. Eva seemed to enjoy hearing about the day’s events. Of course, when we relayed it to her, all three of us were in a full gallop up to the top of the mountain. I think I also did a backflip onto my horse. That was right after I roped a pig and shot a squirrel. It was quite a fun day.
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